My sisters husband who is verbally abusive is someone who you cannot reason with. He doesn't care what the other person thinks and has no time to listen to it. he talks over people to shut them up. He also seems unable to express how he feels deep down about anything...can't have a deep converstaion at all.

I wonder if people who abuse are those who are incapable of looking deep into themselves...I notice that my sisters husband who verbally abuses her cannot have a conversation any deeper than sports, weather, and cars. If you question him or discuss anything deeper he has nothing to say.

They do not lack capacity for introspection. In fact they are professionals at it. They only see what *they* want, what *they* need, what they think. They probably have perfectly normal relationships outside of their abusive one. They can talk deeply and intelligently about any number of things to others. They just choose not to have those conversations with their victims because they do not value the victims opinions or ideas.

Boy Queen your last answer to this thread is right on. I seem to have noticed that recently about Jim. Everything has been fine for a while till last night over some stupid highlighters of my 9 year old son's. He had been drinking (Jim not the kid) and I finally said...shut your mouth! I can defend my own child and for you to say he is a liar when I myself bought that highligter for him at the beginning of the school year because it was on his supply list goes to show you how little you actually know. I will not stand here and allow to call my boy a liar when clearly you cannot even take care of yourself or the kids you do have. My boys will have no respect for you until you have not only respect for their mother but for yourself. Now Jim you either get a handle on whatever crap you are dealing with or there is the door buddy because I refuse to tolerate it anymore.

He sulked and passed out on the futon. I went to my room smiling. I dont know why but I was smiling!

Morgan - Good job standing up for both yourself and your son. The alcohol was doing nothing more than fueling a rage that was misguided and poorly communicated. You deserve that long overdue smile. Well done my sister!

Supportplease, morgan's post serves to underscore what I said before. Abusers really do have depth of feeling and intellect. The true problem is that it is all inward. They value nothing and no one as much as themselves and feel entitiled to the power and control their actions bring them.

You know Queen, its simple. His girls are perfect. My boys are insignificant to him. They do wrong because he lives with them and is jealous of that. I had a friend who was a part time dad years ago and no matter what was going on in his life this man made it his business to travel from his home here on Long Island to the City to see his son. He took the train in. He once went soda can hunting just to get the money for the train. He always made it. He and his son had a wonderful relationship.

Jim makes no attempt to discipline his girls when they're here. His kids treat me like crap and boss my boys around but when I say something they start crying like little babies and go running to daddy and then me and the boys look like monsters. What really pissed me off one time is that Alyssa who is also 9 took money out of MY purse and hid it then lied to my face and he did nothing about it. I wouldve at least made her sit in a corner or something. He did nothing. These girls get away with so much and they let me know all the time how much they love their father. Im like duh honey I know that.

That whole Im all that a bowl of oatmeal I can do no wrong but you sure can crap is bullshit! I hate it and Im fed up with it...oh by the way dear PREGNANT WOMEN SLEEP! Alot...am I angry right now YES I AM!