Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I hate that its always said to leave and they will never change, even though in most cases it is the truth. It really sucks because leaving is the hardest part, and you do everything you can to make everything right because we always think its our fault. Why can't what we do ever be good enough........ I know I have done tons to try to make my relationship work........ and it has helped but it could be better. I would just like to hear of some kind of success in staying. I know everyone is just trying to look out for one another but it is just depressing..... i wish someone could just tell me what I want to hear.
Good luck to all of you!!
Good luck to all of you!!
I know how hard it is to leave. It was the single hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and probably will remain there until the day I die.
Ask yourself this, you might have done tons to make the relationship work, but what has HE done besides critisize and terrorize you? You have been conditioned to believe it is all your fault - that is part of his control mechanism. If you had done all the things that you worked on and changed perfectly before he objected to them, he would have found fault with something else. COunt on it. Believe it.
Dr. Forward's book will explain to you why success is rare, and not possible if you remain under his thumb, control and power. That pretty much means, it cannot be done under the same roof.
As humans, we're gifted with a tremendous capacity to love. But loving ourselves has to come first. You have to love yourself and expect the best for yourself. And you CAN have it.
Another great book is "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men", by Lundy Bancroft. Might help shed some light on things.
I know you want to hear a "success" story in staying...but the rate of change in these men is so low it isn't worth mentioning.
I'm glad to hear that you don't blame yourself, and I KNOW how hard it is to leave. Try doing it 20 years and 4 kids later, being on disability. It can be done.
It might be depressing (and scary) to think that things aren't going to get any better, that change doesn't happen. Change happens WITHIN. And there are a lot of women who've left abusers that they loved, and gone on to love again. You'll never know the peace and joy and happiness that comes with loving a man that loves you back..and SHOWS it in ways that you KNOW you're loved. Wouldn't DREAM of mistreating or hurting you. THAT is the best kind of love of all.
I wish you all the best....