A million reasons. You hope it will be the last time. Your life will change forever. He will be angry, you have time vested, if you couldn't stay gone and came back you would have less strength the next time. You care about him, you are afraid to make it on your own, what will the family think, if you have kids, how will it affect them.......etc, etc, It's not black and white. It's hard to decide for all of us. If it was easy to say, yes it's abusive,I'm out of here, then there wouldn't be so many abusive relationships.

It's not a decision you make in a heated moment, It's one you make methodically. You plan for it while things are going good. We have lots of strength during that ugly fight, but at the same time we are terrified and being told it's our fault, he is angry, we are scared. If you want to get out in the heat of the moment, then it kind of helps to already have a plan of action. It helps take away some of the fears you have at that very pivotal moment.

I'm so sorry you are living like this. I can relate all too well. It took me 36 years to leave. I was always living on the edge of waiting for the next time.

You said: "I don't think he will be physically violent, especially when sober." Here's the thing. Drunk or sober, he can and very well might get physical. Drinking like he does kills brain cells. There is an AA saying that addicts made BADS (Bad Alcoholic/Addict Decisions). The longer they use (and it doesn't matter how often), the worse they get.

I respectfully disagree about him not getting physical, because getting right up in your face & screaming IS physical! He invated your personsal space. He was THREATENING you by getting up in your face. He KNOWS what he is doing. He is INTIMIDATING you!

He is escalating and the risk of him being violent is rising. I cannot tell you how many women have died thinking their husband, SO, BF wouldn't get violent.

Your shaking is a sign that you are in physical and emotional shock. What he is doing is causing you to live in a hyper-vigilant state of fight, flight or freeze and it contributes to all kinds of physical, mental, emotional & spiritual dis-ease.

I urge you to get counseling with a QUALIFIED therapist who has additional training in recovery from trauma, abuse and PTSD. Do NOT tell him what you are doing. Please talk with the therapist & someone at your local shelter about making a SAFE plan to leave so that once you do, you will go and stay No Contact.

Trust your inner knowing and practice extreme self care!

Use your support network to help you thru this time. It's scary as hell, but it is SO MUCH BETTER on 'the other side.'

~healing hugs~

You are not leaving because you let him tell you what you are worth and you are believing him. But he doesnt even know what you are worth cause he doesnt even know his own worth....

You are worth so much more than you are seeing. Take the first step in loving yourself and leave this man today. You will never receive any better love than the LOVE from yourself.

Take that leap of faith...you will find it is the best thing you ever did for YOU.

Its just an attachment to something you thought was going to be great and you keep hoping it will be what you want, but once you let go and lose that attachment, you will feel so free and strong and not to mention PEACEFUL..... I hope you leave today...you deserve LIFE! Give that gift to yourself. STAY STRONG!

True colors is right. I had always said my SO was not violent. Sometimes he would throw things across the room though. I was told that that is violent. It is a clear message being sent to you that he is out of control and if you don't cave you will be next. Getting in your space, puffing up, throwing things are all violent acts, even if he doesn't touch you. Make a plan. Get things together. Have your resources in place. He is very dangerous, especially if he thinks your leaving. Have a safety plan already to go. You will be more able to move if it is planned out ahead. Never let him know your plan.

I left. I left. I've got a crappy motel room & am go to the local women's crisis center now. I'm shaking. I'm scared.

You're going to be okay!

You are going to be ok. Reach out to those people who you said could help you for support and moral support. Keep posting here.

~hugs~

I'm waiting to talk to a councilor. They want his name. I'm not going to give them his name. I'm so freaking out. I know this is the way out, but I'm so freaking out. I'm afraid for him too. He will be a mess when he sees that I've gone

My anxiety has doubled since I left. I am already missing him so much. I know the person I'm missing is someone I made up in my mind. I know what he is really like. I'm so down, so scared. I know I will feel better. I just can't live like this. So sad.

It almost always gets worse before it gets better. You are so used to focusing everything you do on making sure you keep him happy, not rocking the boat - that's where a lot of your anxiety is coming from. You have rocked the boat, big time. You have done something big for YOU, something that's not just to try to keep him happy. That is seriously scary stuff.

But it's also the RIGHT thing to do. You deserve to be well proud of yourself. What you have done is hard, really really hard. You will be ok. Keep reaching out, as the others said.

I'm still gone. I'm hanging in there. I haven't heard from him. I'm still gone.

Good for you.

Maybe turn your phone off so you can't hear from him? Give yourself a break from the anxiety. Do something nice for yourself.

I know this has to be incredibly painful for you, not to mention terrifying. But you are doing the right thing for yourself. You are literally saving your life!!! I hope that the shelter will get you in touch with a therapist ASAP. Please hang in there. I agree with Liv, turn your phone off or if you have a phone that has a way to block his number, you can block it. Call a close family member or friend for support. And take good care of you!

I have an appointment with an abuse counselor tomorrow at 12:00. This motel seriously sucks, but I'm okay. I'm somewhat calmer now. I don't know what to do next. How to get my stuff - where to take it - where to live - how to stay away, but for tonight my goal is just to stay away. He hasn't tried to contact me. I'm glad for that. I thought he would blow up my phone. I'm missing him, but I'm missing what I thought he was, I'm not missing the real him. So damn tired, so sad, but somehow better.

Hang in there. Glad you are seeing someone so soon. It's hard - it's going to be hard for a while. But then it will get easier. Stick with this and in time, you will be able to look back and be so VERY proud of yourself for what you have done tonight.