Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So I was doing better about No Contact until his best female friend answered an old message I had replied to on facebook and then tried to readd me as a friend. I sat on it for a day, then I answered the letter but did not readd. She had remarked how his new (ex girlfriend who he took back once again, they keep getting back together) was dumb or maybe just complacent with the way things were. ( He never stays with just one woman, I did not know this when I took him back and he seems to be a serial cheater and controllive person, if you will not constantly change things up to suit him, he becomes unhappy and he will find another woman or maybe even have one while seeing you)
Anyway, I tried to show a strong face, wished him and her well, was postivive with the friend but it still hurts.
I realize objectively this man is not good for me, that even if i would of changed for him, he most likely would of kept cheating on me, or jumped me anyway. Still it hurts, the rejection. It hurts wondering if he is treating her differently, perhaps in a exclusive relationship with her since she is willing to be what he wants?
I did contact him to come pick up his riding mower as I have had it two months and I felt he was taking advatage, not to mention my luck just when I finally managed to move on, if i did, he might show up to get it. He texted back saying he would get it. I said I need a time frame, he said soon, within the next two weeks. I had mentioned that perhaps it would be best to just put it up for sale as he had replaced it anyway and had wanted to sell it? That way we could avoid any contact.
He said he would come real soon. I told him I would be gone for the holiday weekend. This text was on the Monday before. Once I told him I would be gone, the mower would be left out by the road, keys in it and I would not be responsible, it was amazing, he ended up coming for it Wed while I was at work. Texted to let me know, I asked him to text and let me know when he was leaving, which he did.
I should feel AWESOME, I should feel peace that he came, got his mower, NO contact, my work is on the way, he could of stopped and made any excuse to see me, He could of came when I was home, HE CHOSE to come when I was not and leave before I got there. He broke the last tie to me, other than some clothes he left, which are no big deal...so why am I feeling so let down?
I guess SHE makes him happy enough not to even attempt to get me back..
Anyway, I tried to show a strong face, wished him and her well, was postivive with the friend but it still hurts.
I realize objectively this man is not good for me, that even if i would of changed for him, he most likely would of kept cheating on me, or jumped me anyway. Still it hurts, the rejection. It hurts wondering if he is treating her differently, perhaps in a exclusive relationship with her since she is willing to be what he wants?
I did contact him to come pick up his riding mower as I have had it two months and I felt he was taking advatage, not to mention my luck just when I finally managed to move on, if i did, he might show up to get it. He texted back saying he would get it. I said I need a time frame, he said soon, within the next two weeks. I had mentioned that perhaps it would be best to just put it up for sale as he had replaced it anyway and had wanted to sell it? That way we could avoid any contact.
He said he would come real soon. I told him I would be gone for the holiday weekend. This text was on the Monday before. Once I told him I would be gone, the mower would be left out by the road, keys in it and I would not be responsible, it was amazing, he ended up coming for it Wed while I was at work. Texted to let me know, I asked him to text and let me know when he was leaving, which he did.
I should feel AWESOME, I should feel peace that he came, got his mower, NO contact, my work is on the way, he could of stopped and made any excuse to see me, He could of came when I was home, HE CHOSE to come when I was not and leave before I got there. He broke the last tie to me, other than some clothes he left, which are no big deal...so why am I feeling so let down?
I guess SHE makes him happy enough not to even attempt to get me back..
The best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour. He will continue to treat her like dirt for as long as she lets him, because that's who he is.
If you "pushed him too hard" and that's why he broke up with you, all that says to me is that you were right. He realised you were on to him and he couldn't deal with it. The fact is that, with abusers, you can choose to be abused or you can choose to leave. There is no other choice available. There is no magic choice of words, no form of dress, no way of acting that will suddenly make them "realise" how wonderful you are and make them stop their behaviour. There is no happily ever after with an abuser. There is only abuse with an abuser.
As for closure ... well you at least got some confirmation that he's not planning to treat her any better, he's just going to continue his patterns of cheating, lying and other forms of abuse. But the other thing about abusers is that you will never ever get real closure from them. You need to find it in yourself. Find it in a real acknowledgement of the truth - he is an abuser, nobody deserves abuse, he is incapable of love and there is NOTHING you could have said or done that would have changed any of those facts.
At least I have held out on contacting him, though somedays are harder than others. Just wanted to say thank you for your support here.
Should schmould, I say. This stuff takes way more time to get past than we think it will. Take whatever time you need.