It takes time, and it might also take a lot of therapy. I know it did with me. Any time I feel like a failure, his words come roaring back at me, but I have discovered over time, that it DOES get better and it DOES soften a lot.

One thing to remember is that all of the put-downs you endured were his attempt to eat away at your self esteem and keep him in control. Some of my therapy has included posting affirming messages all over the house. Things like "you look gorgeous this morning" on the bathroom mirror and things like that.

Just because you do something you regret does NOT mean that he was right about you. We all make mistakes. You have the right to be yourself without worrying about what he might say or think about you, or even worrying that he might have been right about you, because HE WASN'T. You know who you are, and don't let him take that from you.

You just have to remember that you are only human. I was always called a whore and I had only been with one person-him. Sometimes the ugly words are just that, they are only words. It will get better as time passes. I am going through a very bad divorce right now and I had a gentle man approach me and engage in nothing more than friendly converstion and walk away afterwards, no phone numbers, no dates, nothing like that at all, just human conversation. When he left, i told my friend I felt like a whore for talking to him (even though the conversation was innocent and could have been had with a female as well). My friend said why? Why try to let him turn you into something you are not just because he said it? So don't let those ugly words take over. Be strong.