Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
It's Wednesday night and I can't sleep. I leave in two days. I am very sad inside about everything. I do love him very much through it all but, it's best I leave. He keeps saying things like "what a waste of time for you to leave when you know you will be back soon." I hate when he says things like that. He keeps trying to be nice but, then gets angry when he sees that his bullshit isn't working on me. I am hurting inside everytime he reaches over to rub my back at night when he thinks I'm sleeping. He will rub my back and arms, head for hours because I know he can't sleep either because he is hurting as well. Even though he does very mean things, I have to remember he must have feelings too. That doesn't mean I am excusing his behavior though. I am keeping a poker face with him but, between me and whoever reads this, I'm dieing inside. My entire world feels ripped apart. I feel lost and tired. I still love him more then anything. I'm scared and lonely. I force myself to be strong everyday. I pray that God takes this pain away and gives me the strength to get through this devastating time in my life.
Please get therapy asap. And please be very very careful. Leaving is the most dangerous time. Even if they've never been physically violent before. Don't be lulled into a false sense of safety by his words. It's best that you have a friend take you to the airport, or take the bus or a cab. Don't let him drive you. You just never know what they will do when they feel desperate. Plus it will be a lot harder to leave if you're alone w/him. The longer you're away from him and been Total No Contact, the more your head will clear. You WILL get thru this, especially w/the help of a good therapist.
I know I sound a bit dramatic, and you probably don't want to believe its possible that he might hurt you. (And he might not) But, better safe than sorry, or worse.
Please take good care of you and keep us posted!