Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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What now?

possumlady
possumlady

So today I tried to explain to my husband how it makes me feel when he makes personal negative comments about me when we are doing something together eg: working on the car. He says that it is normal Aussie culture for guys to stir each other up when they are working together and that if I can't take it I shouldn't do stuff with him and that I can't ask him to change how he is. I get that guys relate like this but I am neither a guy nor his workmate, I am his wife and his comments hurt. He is unwilling to consider that he may need to compromise on his behaviour so what do I do next, set personal boundaries and walk away when he starts with the hurtful comments? Why do guys think that women can be treated like 'one of the boys '

Gladdmatt
Gladdmatt
Your husband sounds like a jerk, very immature and thoughtless. Tell him that you're his wife, not one of the guys, and since he's so keen on having you not do stuff with him you won't until he treats you with the respect you're entitled to. The point isn't whether you can do guy stuff, the point is being treated with respect. May God be with you.
h.e.a.l.
h.e.a.l.
""""""""""""""""Why do guys think that women can be treated like 'one of the boys '"""""""""""""""""""

Sorry, but this is too broad
a generalization for me to
agree with. Not all men
think the same things.
Additionally, not all
men are abusive.


You're on a forum focused
on abuse, which presupposes
that you know what you're
dealing with at home.

Abusers don't compromise
as you've already observed.

Most abusers will tell their
victims that their victims
can't tell them that they
have to change.

You can certainly set
boundaries and walk
away when he violates
them. (That's definitely
when, not if.) For some
abusers, boundaries
are abhorrent and when
they encounter them,
they may escalate
their abuse. Last of all
on that point, if that technique
proves successful for you,
I'll predict that it will be
successful on an incident
by incident basis. . . . which
is obviously good to some
extent. . . . but will not be
successful in getting him
to actually change his
abusive behavior patterns.
It may serve to help you
feel some sense of
dignity, on an
incident by incident
basis. And that's good.

Sending you hugs
and wishes for
clarity and healing.