Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I'm always questioning if my ex really was emotionally abusive...and every time I talk about him being abusive, I always end up defending him and feeling bad. I feel like I'm over-exaggerating...but even he admits that he used to treat me badly. He used to get mad and take it out on me, saying whatever he could that he knew would hurt me. He justified himself by saying I shouldn't have made him mad or that it's not like he cussed me out or called me names...I actually got used to the things he would say and it got to the point where it no longer hurt me...or at least I acted like it didn't. I even asked him what was I doing to make him mad, and he said everything I do makes him mad. Even if he was angry at someone else, I'm the one that he'd take it out on. He usually said things along the lines of "Atlanta girls aren't good for nothing but getting raped and prostituting," or "the only reason I got my spot was because I probably slept with all the upperclassmen on the drumline." When I couldn't get back into school because of financial aid, he even got mad once and said it was really because I was stupid - that I was so stupid they wouldn't even let me come back to school. For years, he had a strange hold over me...we were together for 2 years officially, 2 1/2 unofficially (we still acted like a couple and even dated, but he didn't want to be in a relationship), and for another 3 years or so, I've been trying to move on. He used me and lead me on the entire time. I often even felt like he enjoyed seeing me hurt and crap...but I finally have moved on, except I'm very insecure. I'm already submissive in nature, esp after all the hurt I've faced in the past...
I don't know if my ex was abusive or if he just was a bit mean, but whatever the case, I sometimes feel it still affects me...and I'm hoping it doesn't ruin my relationship now, esp if my boyfriend really doesn't ever hurt me like he promises he wont :\
Sorry for the long rant, I really needed it. But I am curious to know if you all think my ex really was abusive, or was he just borderline, or just mean or what?
I don't know if my ex was abusive or if he just was a bit mean, but whatever the case, I sometimes feel it still affects me...and I'm hoping it doesn't ruin my relationship now, esp if my boyfriend really doesn't ever hurt me like he promises he wont :\
Sorry for the long rant, I really needed it. But I am curious to know if you all think my ex really was abusive, or was he just borderline, or just mean or what?
Quickies? I'm not judging, but that sounds horrible. Sex should not be about getting off; it should be a way to build trust, closeness and intimacy. And it's not something that should be taken lightly.
Honestly, I'd hit the reset button on this and start over from Day One. No sex, go slow, and figure yourself out. I'm getting a very unstable read from you, and I think it would be best to get into therapy and figure yourself out.
Hugs.