I use alcohol to cope as well. It becomes a crutch for me, I want to lessen my drinking. I told my Doctor about it, she said it doesn't sound like Alcoholism, more just over drinking / binge drinking (which I knew anyway). I have actually been to an AA meeting before with a friend who was a heavy drinker, I went with her to be supportive and she wanted me to come. I didn't feel that AA was for me though.

I think what MTC is saying Shasta is you need to be understanding of what the issues are behind peoples abuse before just coming up with a statement of how they should fix their issue. It can come across as judgement, complex issues cannot be just easily fixed. For example, say someone is long term unemployed, you don't just say to them 'Why don't you get a job?' It's silly, of course this person would have looked for a job before. Or to just label this person 'a loser' as they're unemployed would be wrong also. You would need to look at this issues behind the unemployment and why it's happening.

This also may come across as I'm now judging you ShastaSue sorry LOLOL I dont mean too, I think this is all a different mode of thinking, and you're coming at it from a different angle. I hope my example made sense LOL

Time helped me. Time, staying away and having this support group on DS helped open my eyes. My old DV counselor did not understand abuse. She said that the man (or woman) could not control themselves. It was in complete contrast to what I read and know. So, I had to stop seeing her. If you are impatient like I can be time can move so slow but in the end moving forward letting time pass and staying away is what healed me from the abuse I suffered at the hands of my child's father. Now I see I am not totally redeemed but that was one very volatile and dangerous relationship I am no longer in.

Good post, Tangelo! :-)

Finding a therapist that I really clicked with, who guided me with tenderness and patience and wisdom.

Journalling, a practice I strongly resisted at first (My first few entries look like, "I have nothing to write I hate this my therapist is making me do it...") It turned out to be the best thing for me.

Being forced out of the relationship by outside forces, i.e. CPS. The social worker came to me at one point and held me by the shoulders, looked into my eyes, and said, "YOU ARE BEING ABUSED. Not just your kids. YOU." I never considered it before that. It put a name to it and galvanized me.

Irene's Clarifying Card Index gave me so much perspective and help. I was even able to introduce it to our judge.

What I find about Therapy is that it's usually self directed by the client. So if you go there to whinge about your problems then the therapist will just sit there and listen to it. It really only makes changes is when you unlock a problem yourself and are ready to make change, what I'd like to see are more therapists who can offer a real insight into your issues to instigate change.

Shasta sue I don't know if I can copy and paste what you said onto my phone but I want all my altered parts to hold onto that info because it is so helpfull it just makes seance and I love when people like you get on here and post this stuff. So inspirational I don't know what I would do without. Thank you.

Thank you mammoth!

What's helped me is my friends that kind of live through the same thing, Coda has helped me leave, family, and what really helps is making the decision that no more I'm not going back, no matter what. If you can't make that decision, you get sucked back in so easy. You have to make it your primary mission, to be free!