Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
you know I've been in right state. Well I still am. I haven't eaten or left my house since Wednesday. I have cried and cried and cried. I've missed my husband so much. Anyway he rings and I actually answered my phone because I have missed him. He wanted to know if there was any mail there for him. I said yes there was. And he asked could he pick it up. I said yes . I know I shouldn't have but I really needed to see his face. But didn't tell him that. I got myself looking nice and sat all evening waiting and he never came. I wascryingagain .That was Thursday.On Friday he calls and collects his mail. I didn't cry in front of hit but I did give him a hug. He asked how I was and left. He'd said he was going out Friday night but would give me a ring when he got home. Which he didn't. I lay awake all night waiting for that phone call that never came. This morning he calls up and I let him in. We chat and again I hugged him. He was cold towards me. I asked what was wrong and he said I'd hurt him by not taking his calls and he startedcrying. I held him and felt bad. Told him I hadn't been well. I then asked him if he was seeing anyone as we are separated. He said yes he had been. My heart felt broken. I said who is she ? And pretended it didn't hurt. He laughed and said one of your friends. I asked who and he said a name. Then he said she won'tleaveme alone she keeps calling. I was heartbroken and it showed. He then aid he was joking. That he had been seeing someone but I didn't know her. He then left after saying he was going out again tonight . When he left I cried buckets. And rang and rang the friend he mentioned because I felt I had to know for sure. She was annoyed. She said no way. I wouldn't do that to you. He's messing with your head. The sooner you get rid of him the better. But in in bits. I know I shouldn't have let him in. I've gone against everything I know and I feel ashamed to tell you all. But I needed to just see him. See how I felt. And this is the result. I'm so unhappy . He also said if by any chance I want him back he would have to think about it because I've hurt him and ignored his tears over the last few weeks. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't eat I can'tsleepg just want him. How stupid am I?
the shame is NOT YOURS.
Are you in any kind of counseling?
If not, I hope you'll consider getting
some.
Please practice SELF-CARE.
Sending you hugs
and healing prayers.
Don't be ashamed because you made a mistake - the only shame is not learning from it. I think it was Einstein who said 'There are no mistakes - only discoveries of courses of action that don't work.'
Keeping you waiting for the calls, dangling how happy he is now in front of you, blaming you for ignoring his calls, telling you that he was dating a friend - that wasn't just to hurt you, you know, that was an isolating tactic, meant to damage the relationship with your friend - and then taking it back - that's crazymaking, right there...
Textbook. He's a textbook abuser. I hope you reward yourself with something extra nice this weekend.
I know you miss him, but he is not good for you. Don't beat yourself up one bit for seeing him. We have all done that, and wanted our partner back.
But the others are right. He is a textbook abuser and cannot love you because of HIM. He also tried to rob you of a friend by lying to turn you against her. That is nasty, manipulative behaviour. You deserve so much better than that!
It is time to focus on yourself. Maybe find a counsellor like Ilene suggests?
Please don't wait for him to change - he will not and cannot. Think of it like this: his brain is distorted and cannot be fixed. He is sick, incurably so. 99.9% of abusers are.
So sorry, but offering comforting hugs, and thinking of you xx
Please, please eat something. Make yourself order something nice that you usually like. Or what I have done sometimes when I'm really in the pit of despair is to make a nice pot of vegetable soup, nice and hot (if you can muster the ingredients). It can be life-affirming. Nourish yourself body and soul! I'm worried about you!
Girl, pull yourself together. You don't have to do a lot. Just the minimum to stay alive. Eat. If you can't go to the drugstore and buy some ensure. Will the get the calories and protein in you. Turn on the tv and tune out the rest of the world. Take some vitamins. Do twenty jumping jacks (or something of the sort to get the blood flowing). Take a hot shower or bath. Then hug that precious puppy.
You will make it. I understand it is darker then dark at the moment for you. The light will come. Find your strong!
XOXO
LT
I know it is hard right now....been there before, too. Cry as much as you want and sleep as much as you want.....make sure to nourish yourself and I am positive that in the end.....you will emerge into something more beautiful than ever.
YOu are valuable!
Sending hugs and prayers to you... I soooo wish I could help more....
try to get out to a support group or counselor .... I found it amazing to go out to a resource support group.... to meet others who were nothing and everything like me..... you will find that amazing things happen when survivors join together!
I haven't been here for a few days because I've been in some pain myself... but I've been wondering how you're doing.
Like you, I've cried, I've grieved, I've wanted him back, I've wanted to phone him to ask how he's doing. I wanted to know if he was with someone else. But today I prayed that either he'd have a happier life and find a happy relationship, or stay out of relationships entirely because bad relationships (like the one we had) are so miserable. I've let go of him, and hope we'll both be better off because of it.
You know, you could always love him from a distance without wanting to be with him again. You can learn to love your single life once you get used to it. No more roller coaster! No more verbal bashing! He may still try to emotionally abuse you from a distance, but you won't care!
Sometimes I want to see my ex again, but it would probably turn out something like what you experienced, so I'm lucky I moved seven hundred miles away and can't see him or initiate any type of contact. We don't even have each others' phone numbers, and he has no email address.
There's still pain, but I'm getting through it and getting over it.
He text today and told me if I put his name on the business I have he will consider coming home. What a cheek. I did text back and told him he is an unfeeling bastard. Sorry to swear on here. I never swear. Haven't heard off him since. I've only cried once today so far and did eat a boiled egg and a piece of toast. The weight is dropping off me.
So I got to wait for this woman to chase the councilling up for me. She told me be strong until then. Easier said than done
Now do me a favor and eat two scrambled eggs, 2 slices of toast and some orange juice. ((((((HUGS)))))
Oh Hun, this is what abusers do, they twist the knife given the chance!
I know that's to encouraging but it's the truth!
My ex (livin has heard this recording) I once had regretted ending things with him and was trying to express my feelings and that I loved him. He did exactly the same! EXACTLY!
He made me work for it. I had hurt him, he had to really think about it. He also asked if I had moved on and I said no that there was no one else (it had been about three weeks!) and then I said "have u?" He said "I've got to go I can hardly hear you on this end of the phone, I will ring u later!" After speaking to me for 20 mins he couldn't hear me!
This is a tactic! And it bloody hurts! But u know what, it's a sly tactic, it's not real, as much as it pains you, it's not just a conversation he's sayin because he's just saying it. He's lead u to ask this with all the "I'm going out" and promises of turning up and ringing u but not doing, gosh Hun,
THAT WAS JUST LIKE MY EX!
He did this all the time and it did its job on me!
Please don NOT allow him to play these games with you! He's playing games with you, he's messing with your head!
My ex, when I was strong begged me to take him back. But like I described in the recorded phone call, the minute he realised I had caved he suddenly jumped on it and turned it all around. Within days instead of him being "I miss u I'm sorry" he was all "well I will have to think about it u REALLY hurt ME!!"
And truth is he abused me! Bullied me, treated me like absolute crap! But he had to think about it! Pfft!!!
I'm so sorry he's gone down this rd with u it's not what you've needed but I can tell u that he knows exactly what he's doing and exactly how bad the timing is for you! He saw your weakness and attacked you!