Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I was a child of abuse. I have honestly become so familiar with dysfunction that normal frightens me. I am an adult child of an alchoholic father, who also cheated repeatedly on my mother. As we were raised Catholic and my mother loved my father beyond comprehension, she actually followed through with the till death do us part.
To his credit, he did take care of her when she became ill with cancer. She started with cancer of the urethra and battled valiently against many other types for 9 years, but finally bone cancer took her from us. I was her caretaker along with my father. I have made peace with him but it will never be what is once was as a child as I adored him before I realized the truth of the matter.
I became the best of enablers/co-depandants and the best at pushing my needs down to take care of the rest of my families and anyone else I cared for. My father got help in and he has been sober for years, I am very proud of him, he even quit smoking. I wish he could of done all of this for my Mom, but well, he did it regardless.
My older brother was also an alcoholic and drug addict. He got help and he is doing well, sober and drug free. He is on his second marriage as my father.
My younger brother was diagnosed with a brain tumor two years ago and I have never really let that settle. He had two surgeries, takes chemo pills, does the every other week chemo and he is doing well. He every once in a while has seizures and they terrify me. He is my rock in that he is the only man right now I feel I can trust and love. We have a huge bond.
I was given up at birth so I have a huge fear of abandonment and I feel this is used by my abusers. I also suffer from low self esteem and sometimes self hatred. If you were to meet me, you would never guess it, I hide it well.
Anyway, I feel we all have our issues, our wounds that have never fully healed and our demons that we can't outrun.
I guess my question is, what has helped you most in finding any inner peace or in finding out your worth? In getting back to you?
In letting go of the anger, mainly at yourself and forgiving you?
I have had some suggest therapy, and that is a good idea, but from what I have found, I have gotten either people that watch thier clock and don't seem to even care what I have to say, so I don't go back or people who tell me to go read the bible. I am not cutting Religion at all, but I need to talk...alot. I don't need to feel dismissed, if you get me?
I live in a small rural community and I was wondering where does one start to find the help needed?
I was even told by my own father since I seem to date alcoholics and addicts to try AA or Al anon, but again, not sure how to really go about it?
I have got to fix me, before I become too unfixable. Each time another man tears a chink out of my armor, it gets harder to be strong.
Any advice/help is appreciated. I am sorry if I come across as negative, not meaning to, just wondering what my options are?
Thank you for reading....love and light...
To his credit, he did take care of her when she became ill with cancer. She started with cancer of the urethra and battled valiently against many other types for 9 years, but finally bone cancer took her from us. I was her caretaker along with my father. I have made peace with him but it will never be what is once was as a child as I adored him before I realized the truth of the matter.
I became the best of enablers/co-depandants and the best at pushing my needs down to take care of the rest of my families and anyone else I cared for. My father got help in and he has been sober for years, I am very proud of him, he even quit smoking. I wish he could of done all of this for my Mom, but well, he did it regardless.
My older brother was also an alcoholic and drug addict. He got help and he is doing well, sober and drug free. He is on his second marriage as my father.
My younger brother was diagnosed with a brain tumor two years ago and I have never really let that settle. He had two surgeries, takes chemo pills, does the every other week chemo and he is doing well. He every once in a while has seizures and they terrify me. He is my rock in that he is the only man right now I feel I can trust and love. We have a huge bond.
I was given up at birth so I have a huge fear of abandonment and I feel this is used by my abusers. I also suffer from low self esteem and sometimes self hatred. If you were to meet me, you would never guess it, I hide it well.
Anyway, I feel we all have our issues, our wounds that have never fully healed and our demons that we can't outrun.
I guess my question is, what has helped you most in finding any inner peace or in finding out your worth? In getting back to you?
In letting go of the anger, mainly at yourself and forgiving you?
I have had some suggest therapy, and that is a good idea, but from what I have found, I have gotten either people that watch thier clock and don't seem to even care what I have to say, so I don't go back or people who tell me to go read the bible. I am not cutting Religion at all, but I need to talk...alot. I don't need to feel dismissed, if you get me?
I live in a small rural community and I was wondering where does one start to find the help needed?
I was even told by my own father since I seem to date alcoholics and addicts to try AA or Al anon, but again, not sure how to really go about it?
I have got to fix me, before I become too unfixable. Each time another man tears a chink out of my armor, it gets harder to be strong.
Any advice/help is appreciated. I am sorry if I come across as negative, not meaning to, just wondering what my options are?
Thank you for reading....love and light...
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
I guess I know that alot of positive self talk is helpful. Becoming aware of the negative self-talk and your beliefs about yourself and life and where they came from so you can uproot them and replace them with the truth. al anon sounds good too, even aa. I believe that has been the best therapy for me. Realizing that you're not alone. I felt abandoned by my parents and not at birth.
I had a mom and dad but lost them at puberty. They left me emotionally. Well my father never really was there that way. But I had a mom. she babied me but then she checked out and didn't care anymore after my dad left her for another woman. She became abusive and hooked up with an abusive guy and he moved in. so yea, my whole world changed then.
There are eople that truly understand and care. I haven't had real helpful experiences with councelors either. It's like I feel they really have to understand to really help you know? I think people like us, once we've overcome, can make the best councelors because the advice we give comes from a place of true understanding and experience. But I"m not knocking counceling all together.
I can't find any where I'm at especially with no insurance. Anyway, group therapy is really helpful. If you can find a group of child abuse survivors and such, that would be where I'd look. Al-anon. etc. They're everywhere. Just look it up on line in your area. I think just trying to give yourself the comfort you always needed but didn't get. You're an adult now and you can tell your inner child, or teen what you needed to hear.
That you are worthy and lovable and you're sorry for the pain and so on. Give yourself a mental hug. Keep doing that. learn to trust again, in life, in others, in yourself. Not everyone is an abuser or is going to abandon you. I think eventually we abandon ourselves and hurt ourselves after they stop doing it. I did for many years.
By pushing people away that would care and be there. Living in fear and doubt and shame. It's so destructive to the soul. I"m working on it to girl. This group is alot of help too. It's like group therapy but bigger and you can talk and listen to people from all around the world in the comfort and security of your home.
But nothing really beats in person. You can have a real hug then. And go for coffee and what not. I'm wishing you well and sending you healing thoughts and comfort. hugs
Whenever you notice that you are starting to get down on yourself, just stop and think. Wait. Why am I thinking this? Instead think of as many positive things as you can about yourself. Best wishes.
I agree with the comment that this group is like group therapy. The support and caring here is very healing.
Even if you're not that artistic, The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron is a good healing book. So is Women Who Run with Wolves by Pinkola (not sure about spelling).
And then there are tons of other books, probably newer books that might help. You can go to Barns and Nobles or some other book store and just browse through the personal growth/self help section.
That's what helped me the most.
Thanks for the suggestions and Rainy, I have really been wanting to attend an Al anon meeting and if possible an NA meeting of some sort as I have dated people who have both addictions. I live in such a small town it is hard to figure out where to start. I need to make a dr appmt and see if they can get me on some sort of mood stabilizer, sounds funny coming from someone who wants to go to these types of meetings, but I am finding it hard to cope with just my strength alone. I find myself weeping at Disney cartoons for pete's sake and having fits of anger, self blame, hopelessness, despair, I run the gamut. I basically get up, go to work, come home, barely eat and go to bed. I am just functioning because I have to. And sadly I am caught up in wondering about HIM, is he finally content now, did he just get me back to make her jealous? Is HE going to be kinder to her? Is He better suited to her and it has been a week now and he has not reached out to me and I have basically went off radar and he has not even attempted to contact and why in the heck do I even care? I went from absolute hatred of what he did, to being afraid of what all he was caught up in, to maybe I was overthinking things and he just had some issues and maybe I could of tried harder, to I am just lonely. :(
There are all sorts of things you can do. I'm having a hard time keeping up with the forum and everyone's journals and such, so if you would like to share more with me or ask questions, please feel free to send me a message. I'm in the midst of preparing my 4-member family to move out of state. But I would certainly be more than happy to share with you the things I have done to find my self-worth.
In letting go of the anger, mainly at yourself and forgiving you?"
Two things come to mind...reading and posting has helped me to gain understanding about abusers, and survivors(myself). Through understanding and acceptance in online forums as well as alanon, I have found inner peace and from the realization that I didn't deserve to be abused and that it wasn't my fault. I still have many days where I struggle with the anger of having been abused as a child and then repeating being abused in my adult relationships and I often struggle with anger at myself for that, mostly for the amount of time and my life that I have wasted believing I was capable of changing someone else or love them enough so they would want to change, so many wasted years believing in something I was never capable of in the first place,and so many wasted years thinking if I would change, so would my abusers. Now i try to just chalk it up, those beliefs to being naieve and ignorant, not knowing any better at the time. That is how I forgive myself, I believe most people do the best they can with what they know at the time. I'm still working on forgiving myself, for my mistakes, for trusting the wrong people and for making the wrong choices too many times to count, and for not respecting myself enough to refuse to do things or get into situations that are harmful to me. Again self respect is something i have had to learn as an adult because as a child I was not taught that i was valuable and i wasn't respected,really not even as an adult. It's difficult to learn something I was never shown.
Support groups online and a lot of reading as well as alanon helped me the most. Discovering I wasn't alone in my struggle.