Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am new to the site and not sure how many groups to join to gain some perspective about what is going on in my life. I am starting here and will see if anyone has any advice or similiar experiences. I have been divorced for nearly 7 years. During the 7 years prior that we were together, I became very codependent allowing all kinds of behaviors that should have been deal breakers. But, through apologies and tears he always convinced me to stay. He was in the military and later diagnosed with PTSD however many behaviors including addictions and infidelity showed up much prior to any traumatic experiences he may have had in the service.
Fast forward seven years later and I've had many failed relationships that all end for the same reasons. Anxiety over how the relationship with my ex husband played out, an inability to disconnect emotionally from it, walls that keep me "safe", and his incessant begging to give him another chance. He still has addiction issues but insists that with me in his life that these would go away. I've asked him to show me change first (couseling, no drinking/drugs, consistency in his behavior) but he emotionally says that he can't without me. Feels like a double co-dependent relationship. Most recently I've broken off a relationship that was going good (although I knew I would hit the self-destruct button eventually as per my usual pattern). This break up has caused anxiety that I will never get over this and keep spinning on this merry-go-round. This last boyfriend can only point to signs of narcissm on the part of my ex that keeps me hooked in. I can only defend by saying that I honestly worry about his life. There have been many times I thought he could be dead somewhere with his extreme behaviors and addictions. I just feel lost when the ex always says he needs me to help him. The guilt is overwhelming and I feel trapped. I wish I could just not care, but a part of me will always love this person and turning my back when he is in such a bad place isn't who I am (my codependent nature at its best). I often wonder if things could ever be different if I gave him the chance.
I may repost this in many forums because it touches on so many issues: emotional abuse, codependency, anxiety, addiction...
Thanks for any advice you many have.
I have the same thoughts as you do on most of it. Wanting to break free from the never ending cycle of "break up, say sorry, do it again". I just recently moved back in after moving my son and I out for the last 2 months. I felt like I was doing good, being strong and sticking to my guns on my decision to remove myself and son from the situation. Then my son told the babysitter that her house feels more like "home" to him than staying at his Nana's. (When I left, we went to stay with my mom.) That on top of the endless conversations with my husband about how he swears this time he is changing, working his program, and wants to actually get it right this time...it caused me to question whether I made the right decision by leaving. And now here I am 6 days later, regretting it all because I don't really want to be there. I can't let go of the abusive behavior, even if it really never happens again.
This all started when I was 15. I am now 25. We have been together almost 10 years and married for almost 4 (tomorrow). I don't even want to celebrate our anniversary or anything because I feel like I am just completely mentally checked out of the relationship. But yet I felt like I couldn't let it go completely.