Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hi:
Been doing so much reading on here and get so confused. I am in the process of leaving a very long term marriage; been looking at houses and trailers in town. My husband has been very verbally, emotionally abusive throughout our entire marriage. Two years ago I was leaving and he of course said give me one more year to do better; if it doesn't work then I will buy you a house in town. Well, two years went by, the abuse dwindled significantly, but we do not sleep together, do not do anything together; both have our separate lives. When I told him a few weeks ago I wanted to leave, his reasoning was "Well, you quit trying so I did too" Sorry, buddy, you never did try, and whenever I gave up and quit, everything goes to hell even worse. Now he knows I am preparing to leave, does not try to change my mind, which is good, just tells me i'm making a huge mistake, selfish, hurting kids and grandkids, which really is trying to change my mind now that I write it down. What does bother me is what he says to our kids: how he never did anything wrong; how I'm never satisfied; saying I must have a boyfriend (def not); how much he will help me and how i can have all the furniture as I bought it all. Just the poor-me, I tried so hard, what the hell is wrong with her to do this to all of us. Guess there is many different aspects to abuse, but once I leave, it will be like I never ever existed to him. Which does hurt. And I feel bad for my kids,even tho grown caught up in the middle. I find myself telling them how he's been and things he's said that will never mend or heal and know I should never do that as they will feel more caught in between us. See so many of your ex's are so mean and horrible to you, don't know, just scared to start over I guess and venting away. Scared I will be sorry once I do leave, Is there anyone out there who regretted leaving???? How long does it take to heal and be happy with your new life???? Thanks for reading and sharing.
Been doing so much reading on here and get so confused. I am in the process of leaving a very long term marriage; been looking at houses and trailers in town. My husband has been very verbally, emotionally abusive throughout our entire marriage. Two years ago I was leaving and he of course said give me one more year to do better; if it doesn't work then I will buy you a house in town. Well, two years went by, the abuse dwindled significantly, but we do not sleep together, do not do anything together; both have our separate lives. When I told him a few weeks ago I wanted to leave, his reasoning was "Well, you quit trying so I did too" Sorry, buddy, you never did try, and whenever I gave up and quit, everything goes to hell even worse. Now he knows I am preparing to leave, does not try to change my mind, which is good, just tells me i'm making a huge mistake, selfish, hurting kids and grandkids, which really is trying to change my mind now that I write it down. What does bother me is what he says to our kids: how he never did anything wrong; how I'm never satisfied; saying I must have a boyfriend (def not); how much he will help me and how i can have all the furniture as I bought it all. Just the poor-me, I tried so hard, what the hell is wrong with her to do this to all of us. Guess there is many different aspects to abuse, but once I leave, it will be like I never ever existed to him. Which does hurt. And I feel bad for my kids,even tho grown caught up in the middle. I find myself telling them how he's been and things he's said that will never mend or heal and know I should never do that as they will feel more caught in between us. See so many of your ex's are so mean and horrible to you, don't know, just scared to start over I guess and venting away. Scared I will be sorry once I do leave, Is there anyone out there who regretted leaving???? How long does it take to heal and be happy with your new life???? Thanks for reading and sharing.
It is worth it. No one can answer the question, "how long does it take to heal?" It is different for every person. Finding a therapist who specializes in treatment of abuse targets helps - a lot. Truly separating, as in no contact, helps - a lot.
I'm really, really sorry that he is putting your kids in the middle. Of COURSE you want to tell your side of the story. And good for you for recognizing that it's hard for your kids too!! One option with adult children is to say something general like, "I don't want to put you in the middle. Please know that there are two sides to this story. If you ever have questions, I will e happy to answer them. But otherwise, please know that I'm doing what's best for me and for you guys in the long run."
I dunno - does that help?
I ever did.
jennifersue said many true
things. Healing is individual.
And a therapist who specializes
in recovery from abuse would
be a valuable resources.
Finally, ending contact
would be a great thing
to do.
Please take good care
of yourself. Hugs and
healing prayers.
Personally, I have only one regret - that I didn't leave sooner.