Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
attempt #2 of posting this!
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/9291096-issues-church please read this first.
so i have been accepted into school. i start next semester. last thursday, i went to school to get some fafsa paperwork. while i was there, i saw a flyer for the lab tech's church. he invited me to the saturday night praise fest, and offered to give me a ride there and back.
i was hesitant, given the things church brings up for me, and the sad association i have with it. but, i figured if i'm going to take a risk, i might as well do so for god. worst case senario: i go back to my relationship with god as usual. best case senario: i find a church. either way, i took a step of faith.
so, i cried for the first hour or so because all the awfulness was flooding my brain. i thought i'd have to leave. the memories wouldn't stop. it was like there was a continuous loop of mommy dearest in my head. but i couldn't leave. phil is the pastor's assistant. he had to be there early and stay later. plus, that would have meant explaining it all to this guy i just met. and i did not want to have that conversation. and i knew if i left early, i'd binge.
so i stayed. suddenly, this heavenly peacefulness washed over me. it was like god reached over, took my hand, and said, "i'm here, princess. it's ok. i understand. i love you."
i have never felt such a calmness before. even if i never again get that feeling, i will never forget how i felt in that moment. from that moment on, i was ok. i actually enjoyed it from then on. what's even more surprising-in fact almost miraculous-is that i was SINGING by the end. most people wouldn't think this surprising, since i am a musician. but when i am that overwhelmed and bombarded by pain, i can barely muster the courage to speak. singing, at that point, doesn't happen. for years, i have been unable to use the gift god gave me to sing and praise him in church. you have no idea how ashamed that has made me and what a beautiful sense of freedom i felt when i finally made music again saturday night.
i was so happy by the end of it that i returned for sunday morning service, requested prayer for EDNOS (privately) and joined the church. at this point, the ENTIRE CHURCH hugged me.
bad news:
i told my mom of this beautiful experience (minus the tears) and she decided to invite herself this week! i didn't know what to say! what does a kid say when the parent who abused them wants to insert him/herself in a situation like this? what am i supposed to say "no, mom. you can't come with me."?! how is that in any way being loving or christ-like? how do i walk in love as jesus taught, but still be protective of myself and my boundaries? i am concerned that her being there will trigger me.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/9291096-issues-church please read this first.
so i have been accepted into school. i start next semester. last thursday, i went to school to get some fafsa paperwork. while i was there, i saw a flyer for the lab tech's church. he invited me to the saturday night praise fest, and offered to give me a ride there and back.
i was hesitant, given the things church brings up for me, and the sad association i have with it. but, i figured if i'm going to take a risk, i might as well do so for god. worst case senario: i go back to my relationship with god as usual. best case senario: i find a church. either way, i took a step of faith.
so, i cried for the first hour or so because all the awfulness was flooding my brain. i thought i'd have to leave. the memories wouldn't stop. it was like there was a continuous loop of mommy dearest in my head. but i couldn't leave. phil is the pastor's assistant. he had to be there early and stay later. plus, that would have meant explaining it all to this guy i just met. and i did not want to have that conversation. and i knew if i left early, i'd binge.
so i stayed. suddenly, this heavenly peacefulness washed over me. it was like god reached over, took my hand, and said, "i'm here, princess. it's ok. i understand. i love you."
i have never felt such a calmness before. even if i never again get that feeling, i will never forget how i felt in that moment. from that moment on, i was ok. i actually enjoyed it from then on. what's even more surprising-in fact almost miraculous-is that i was SINGING by the end. most people wouldn't think this surprising, since i am a musician. but when i am that overwhelmed and bombarded by pain, i can barely muster the courage to speak. singing, at that point, doesn't happen. for years, i have been unable to use the gift god gave me to sing and praise him in church. you have no idea how ashamed that has made me and what a beautiful sense of freedom i felt when i finally made music again saturday night.
i was so happy by the end of it that i returned for sunday morning service, requested prayer for EDNOS (privately) and joined the church. at this point, the ENTIRE CHURCH hugged me.
bad news:
i told my mom of this beautiful experience (minus the tears) and she decided to invite herself this week! i didn't know what to say! what does a kid say when the parent who abused them wants to insert him/herself in a situation like this? what am i supposed to say "no, mom. you can't come with me."?! how is that in any way being loving or christ-like? how do i walk in love as jesus taught, but still be protective of myself and my boundaries? i am concerned that her being there will trigger me.
Can you volunteer to do something at the church so you will be too busy to be in her company?
I am sorry you Mom wants to "insert" herself into it. I understand, my stbx has been doing the same thing, following me to the church where I have found so much healing, comfort and support this past year. But, fortunately, now it has mostly stopped since he sees it is truly over.
Don't stop going and being blessed because of your mom. You can't obviously tell her not to come, since it is a public place. But you don't have to sit with her either! If you have a friend or contact there already, make plans ahead of time to sit with them.
If your Mom comes and finds peace and healing, great. If she is just there to harass you and ruin it for you, don't let her. It won't last long if she sees you are not letting it bother you.