Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Survivors who come to places
like this are here to get and
give support. Our hearts and
souls have been trampled on,
stomped on and tossed out
the window. If we're here,
we're somewhere in the
process of our healing journey.
Because of abuse, many of
us have issues with trust. In
some cases we don't trust
at all. In other cases, we
trust too easily. Sometimes
we'll do both on the same day.
Here's how I decide whether a
new post (or new poster), is a
bonafide victim/survivor or an
abuser looking to prey on the
generoristy of our wanting-to-
support-others heart. . . . . . an
"alarm puller," . . . . like someone
out in the community who falsely
pulls a fire alarm, to get to see
people run in all directions and
hear the sirens screaming to the
scene of the reported emergency:
What's my decision-making process?
I GO WITH MY GUT.
I have a pretty fair sense of human
reaction and human behavior. If I
read something and it sounds
awful but possible (within the
realm of the worst of human
behavior), I respond with my
best sincerity. If I'm wrong, well,
so I was taken in. If I wasn't
wrong, hopefully I provided some
needed support.
But if what I read sounds over-the-
top in regards to drama or trauma,
. . . . or if the way it's presented
sounds "histrionic". . . . like a
two year-old throwing a tantrum
(who then totally stops if the
"audience" turns and walks
into another room).. . . . . I tend
to get a feeling in my gut that says:
too much. . . too much!
(Yes. . . . I'm referring to a
recent post that happily was
recognized for what it apparently
is.)
We're all here, hoping that it's
a safe place to express ourselves.
Generally, it is. That's why I've been
participating here for four years, now.
But it's not perfect. No place is perfect.
As we heal, one of the things we
need to address is learning how
to construct and maintain stronger,
healthier BOUNDARIES. This requires
that we develop assessment tools to
determine if someone we meet, in
person or on-line, has enough
self-respect to be respectful
of others. For the purpose of
full disclosure, I'll tell you right
now that I don't have a perfect
record here, even over recent
years. But it's definitely better
than long ago. That means that
better assessment tools can be
developed (which is the GOOD
news).
The only problem with having
an open and loving heart, is that
we're more vulnerable to predators.
But if we also, develop some reasonable
abillity to screen out situations or people
who may be running an agenda of
manipulation and control. . . . .
then we can proceed with
confidence. . . . that we have
the wherewithal to protect
ourself from predation. We
can trust that if we do make
a mistake in judgement, we'll
be able to see it sooner than
later, and step away with the
least damage possible.
SELF-CARE and
HEALTHY BOUNDARIES.
YYYYYyyyyyyyaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
like this are here to get and
give support. Our hearts and
souls have been trampled on,
stomped on and tossed out
the window. If we're here,
we're somewhere in the
process of our healing journey.
Because of abuse, many of
us have issues with trust. In
some cases we don't trust
at all. In other cases, we
trust too easily. Sometimes
we'll do both on the same day.
Here's how I decide whether a
new post (or new poster), is a
bonafide victim/survivor or an
abuser looking to prey on the
generoristy of our wanting-to-
support-others heart. . . . . . an
"alarm puller," . . . . like someone
out in the community who falsely
pulls a fire alarm, to get to see
people run in all directions and
hear the sirens screaming to the
scene of the reported emergency:
What's my decision-making process?
I GO WITH MY GUT.
I have a pretty fair sense of human
reaction and human behavior. If I
read something and it sounds
awful but possible (within the
realm of the worst of human
behavior), I respond with my
best sincerity. If I'm wrong, well,
so I was taken in. If I wasn't
wrong, hopefully I provided some
needed support.
But if what I read sounds over-the-
top in regards to drama or trauma,
. . . . or if the way it's presented
sounds "histrionic". . . . like a
two year-old throwing a tantrum
(who then totally stops if the
"audience" turns and walks
into another room).. . . . . I tend
to get a feeling in my gut that says:
too much. . . too much!
(Yes. . . . I'm referring to a
recent post that happily was
recognized for what it apparently
is.)
We're all here, hoping that it's
a safe place to express ourselves.
Generally, it is. That's why I've been
participating here for four years, now.
But it's not perfect. No place is perfect.
As we heal, one of the things we
need to address is learning how
to construct and maintain stronger,
healthier BOUNDARIES. This requires
that we develop assessment tools to
determine if someone we meet, in
person or on-line, has enough
self-respect to be respectful
of others. For the purpose of
full disclosure, I'll tell you right
now that I don't have a perfect
record here, even over recent
years. But it's definitely better
than long ago. That means that
better assessment tools can be
developed (which is the GOOD
news).
The only problem with having
an open and loving heart, is that
we're more vulnerable to predators.
But if we also, develop some reasonable
abillity to screen out situations or people
who may be running an agenda of
manipulation and control. . . . .
then we can proceed with
confidence. . . . that we have
the wherewithal to protect
ourself from predation. We
can trust that if we do make
a mistake in judgement, we'll
be able to see it sooner than
later, and step away with the
least damage possible.
SELF-CARE and
HEALTHY BOUNDARIES.
YYYYYyyyyyyyaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
It doesn't happen often, but it does happen. No group is off limits to them. They are no different than abusers in real life other than they're doing it on line.
This group is very good at spotting & dealing w/trolls. We're also good about warning each other about them.
This group ROCKS!
Best to use that ignore button.
As a general rule of advice, I'd caution everyone on this site to be careful about investing emotionally in someone else's life. If you read a thread that really tugs at your heartstrings, offer commiseration and advice on safety such as giving the phone number of DV services in the person's state, and leave it at that. If the person is truly seeking help, they will call the service eventually.
If however, the person is a troll, over time you will probably notice a few things - they tend not to post in other people's threads since they are looking for personal attention rather than to share advice and comfort. Usually their story is at the extremes of violence and abuse and they claim it to be currently occurring. Usually their initial post is long because they spend time and effort on their story. There are other little clues but they are not as consistent.
Occasionally we get a different type of poster here - someone who is abusive and is trying to paint themselves as a victim. They tend to arrive here highly defensive (whereas we usually come here believing there is something wrong with us) and because they are someone abusive they tend to outrage us. It's difficult not to respond to their threads in anger. When you do see these threads, boycotting them is the best option because narcs love attention. In online gaming, they say "never feed the troll" and I find that to be true of narcs as well. If they can't get a reaction out of you, either positive or negative, they are more likely to go away.
I don't always follow my own advice of course and sometimes I give a troll a good telling off but I try to keep it insult free and simply stick to letting them know that they've been seen through and are being inappropriate.
The world is full of bad people and as Liven said, it can be a good thing that they come here to give us the opportunity to practice our new skills at identifying red flags and setting boundaries. At least this is a relatively safe environment for us to get the practice in :-)
You all get it, and that gives me great comfort, To see these people on here, for whatever reason, well it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth