Thanks everyone for your awesome support. Feel like living shit today. I may need to stay in all day and relax. I am just so tired from all of this. I will get myself back again.

AndreaBEE, I had one ex bf, who took me for around $1,000.00 in which I wired to him to supposedly pay off bills, I not only wired the first 300.00 but wired the other 700.00 later when he asked for more. He supposedly had a bad back and was going to need surgery. He almost talked me into paying for a trip to see his son in the military before he went to Afganistan. Luckily for me, I finally got myself away from him after these loans and buying him a pistol and paying for trips down to see me, (the gas and expenses) I started noticing other women financing him and he had been chatting up my friend and trying to come "see" her and telling her we were not together.
I look back and see he had a pattern of doing this to women and having no empathy for anyone, just milking them for any money or sex or anything he could get from them then moving on. He would also come back to anyone that he could to get more. Of course he never paid back the money I had loaned him, as he had agreed at the time to pay it back, never seen a dime. The gift of the gun, that I didn't expect.
Anyway, I tell you this so that you know, we are all prone to fall victim to a sociopaths charm. We all want to believe they are capable of change or tenderness or keeping a promise. They are not. I looked this man up on Casenet the other day, a court site. He has a trail of debt. He owes taxes, he has suits against him from friends, owes child support, you name it.
They are cons, criminals, the lowest of the low.
YOU are not to blame in anyway. HE is the culprit here.
Please be easy on yourself and take care of yourself. Just start fresh with NC and come here where you know we care.
Big gentle hugs!

Had my first recovery day today. Cleaned the house like a madwomen. Took a nap, hung out with my DS family. I will be OK, broke for the month but OK. In looking at the big picture I am very lucky it only cost me 300.00 bucks and not the thousands he has taken me for in the past. Again, thanks friends.

You know, as much as it sucks and will suck this month, you may look back and see that $300 as money well spent for a dose of reality.

My ex took me for $2000 after we had split up (long story, but you know, it's really the same story as yours - he conned me and I found a shred of trust for him). Needless to say, I never got that money back (nor did I ever get child support), but I do see it as money well spent, even though I really could use the actual cash. It's money well spent because it was the very last time I ever trusted him even a tiny bit. In a sense, I bought my freedom with that money. And my freedom is worth SO much more than the money.

Livin, My head is starting to clear. This is a man who has taken me for thousands, you're right, 300.00 is money well spent. I will be fine, just broke. Today may have been a turning point for my year. My amazement is he has created such a big long story to get this from me and taken his sweet time. I know it's not the money he is interested as much as screwing with me. Remember I left him. The bear bit me hard this time. I am really, really angry and that's a good thing. I tend to stuff feelings and just move on to something else.

I get what you are saying, you feel like you need to start this process all over again. I have been there so many times and I am there again...not with my ex, but making stupid decisions to allow the abuse in my life if only for a second of it....it still hurts. But we are way too hard on ourselves...cause in reality, we have a huge loving heart and there is nothing wrong with that. We just have to learn to say NO! It takes time, it also takes these mistakes. And getting mad at yourself will remind you the next time. Im sure you get stronger each time you cave..i know I do. Right now I feel soooo defeated but I have to lift myself up because I swore I would never feel that way again and if I did, I would feel it and leave it behind quickly. I am falling back into to bad habits of staying in the house, pushing people away..all because of making some mistakes that no one else cares about but ME and my mind that will drive myself crazy with it. You are probably doing the same. Its hard to disconnect the heart from your thoughts but each time you feel this way, it will get easier. You are mad at the wrong person though. You should be mad at him. And I should be taking my own advice.
Smile and laugh...fake it until you make it. It worked for me last time and I think I am going to wake up tomorrow morning and try this too.

Hi Andrea, I just wanted to add my support. I have also given that misplaced trust 'just one more time' and gotten burned. I agree with the perspective that it's money well-spent. It was the last lesson that drove the point home. I know it hurts to lose the money, but don't beat yourself up. Big hugs.

Ive had similar happen to me. You just gotta say no. And if he says he's entitled to it, tell him he's full of crap and still say no. Had to learn this the hard way. Burnt through scholarship money and money from work on an asshole as well. Now I have nothing to show for myself and I'm now in debt from him forcing me out of my credit card for his expenses demanding that he was entitled to it because "Im using his stuff" but every day he swears i need things I dont have and wonders why someone else wont get them for me. Then promises he'll help support me when he has a job. Now he has one and he's waiting on his first check but he is still taking my money in the meantime. Promised he'd pay off my card. Then said he'd use it for all his expenses and pay it back. Might as well be his card. He then swears that if it werent for him id get nowhere in life because I was severely neglected and abused as a child to the point of poorer health and having nothing I need, not even a car or a license, I am 21. Tired of having to "pay" for an unfortunate situation. Then complains when Im sick. I told him to not worry about me. He said Im getting on his nerves being sick and I need to stop. I told him id no longer tell him when Im sick, yet pretend Im not sick when I am, he kicked my chair and shoved it against my desk with me in it saying "thatd be pretty dumb because when you need help when youre sick, youre always sick no one can help you if you dont tell. People who care cant help you so if you pass out and die thats your fault." I told him I would want his care anyways, I can take care of myself. He then said" no you cant you need me, why cant you just let me be a man and support you?"

Woke up today with a new perspective: It was a 300.00 lesson learned. I guess I needed that lesson. My head is clear today and I am having an OK morning. I am very angry at him, such an evil, mean, nasty human being. I am also angry at me for falling into the trap.

YES! Walk away my dear... your life begins NOW..and u paid a lot for it

Hi Andrea,

I slipped up and talked to my ex today too... He got under my skin. I have to admit that after I saw him (accidentally) it sent me spinning... All of the good times came rushing back and I was feeling melancholy over Valentine's Day.

I reached out to him with the hope that he could for a second be the person I fell in love with. I was rewarded with cold hearted words and being called a liar. This was after I was blamed by not coming to see him sooner and ignoring him. It never gets any better with him.

Afterwards I was really angry at myself too... Then I read Livin's words. The shame is his, not mine. I have such a good heart, it hard for me to believe that anyone would lie, con and manipulate to get the things they want from someone they once loved. But they obviously do... Lesson learned!!

The one thing I have learned is that by blaming and shaming ourselves, we are delaying dealing with the reality of what actually is and continuing to abuse ourselves. It is this line of thinking that allowsaallows abusers to maek us as an easy target. All healing comes from within, and means accepting the good, the bad and the ugly. :)

May love wash over you, Andrea!!! :)

Kaz: the advantage we do have ourselves is the ability to ask why and to look within, unlike the abusive people who always ask why me and blame other people.

Wow. This hit me right in the heart today. It's so true. We have the capacity for change. They do not. That's kind of sad, really.

Thanks everyone, going on day 3 of NC today. The NC is my choice because I am sure he is hiding from me like a snake under a rock. I am feeling so much better. I am feeling free and it feels great not to call him or try to chase him down. I am still mad at myself for allowing me to fall into his trap. He spent so much talk, time and energy to get 300.00.it took at least a few months. I have seen him to it before to others but I was feeling like I was different and ment something to him. THE ONLY PERSON HE IS CONCERNED ABOUT IS HIM. Right?

Right.

But the fact that he doesn't really care about you says nothing about you and everything about him.