I have never lost contact with my ex husbands parents and even though we don't see each other very often, we keep in touch over the holidays and I have even been by to see them when they have had turmoil in their lives. Of course out of respect to him, I go by when he is not there and if he should happen to show up, I offer to leave, so that he can visit with them. As of this post, the last time I was there, we were civil enough to enjoy a dinner together and visit for a while after at his parents. It was not a reconcillation by any means, but it has been worse. If you have read any of my journals, I divorced my ex out of more desperation than actual falling out of love with him and went straight into another serious relationship in which I was with that man for 7 years, we ended up engaged but it broke up. Since then, it has been nothing but abusive relationships. My ex husband never started another serious relationship or remarried.
Anyway, my father's new wife came across a box of Christmas things the other day in which his stocking I had made for him back when we were just dating was in. I also made stockings for all of his family. They still hang them.
My question is this. I would like him to have it back along with a stocking I had made for our dog we had when we were married, deceased now, that I redid the name for the dog he has now that he loves so much. I plan to fill the dog's stocking with dog treats and his with some candy I know he will like and a card (nothing declaring my love, just a nice message of support and friendship should he ever need anything) as I hear from his mother he has been having health issues and depression.
I do this out of genuine concern and honest caring for him. I do this not knowing what he might do, or even if he will throw these things back in my face.
There was resentment for years so? She has said he does talk of me and the bitterness does not seem to be there, but ...
I really would like to forgive myself, for him to forgive me, for us both to accept accountability and at least be able to not have a grudge.
To be honest, I have always wanted more and I always loved him more, but I could not get that back. That built into resentment that turned into an affair and he has yet to forgive me.:(
I explain away a lot of the bad things that have happened to me as KARMA and that I deserve them for not saving my marriage, as one of my abusers told me Karma times Ten, but even at eight, I grow so tired of being cheated on, abused physically, emotionally and sexually. I realize I may deserve to be cheated on, but I never had a bad word to say to my husband and never withheld love or affection. I supported him financially most of the time we were together. And I of course was never abusive physically or any other way..I just got tired of living with a ghost.
Anyway, I got off subject, my question is...Is it a bad idea to give him this sentimental gift, if I just leave it at his parents so that he doesn't have to feel he has to visit with me? Also would it be wrong to leave a monetary gift to help out? He is very proud and I realize he would probably not just take money so I planned on buying back my wedding ring, engagement ring and promise ring if he would let me do that or if his mom still has them from when I gave them back some years ago? If he has not had to pawn them. I don't see me ever loving anyone in the way I did him so if they are still there I would like to have them.
Ideas? Advice?