Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So I was just told that people see right through me. No matter what kind oflies i tell them they can see how badly I've managed my life and that the problems are all me. After all he's done just fine with his life and with no thanks to me. Oh the shit is getting deep
As you can no doubt feel in my words, it's hard for me to just let it roll off my back too. But you have to try. They live in a warped reality where everything they do is either right, or at worst justified by what someone else did, what you did or circumstances. And in that warped reality, pretty much everything you do is wrong. That's just how it is.
So yes, the fact that he's been living for years off your lower income IS proof (to him) that he can manage his life so much better than you can. One of my faves was when my ex (who had a basic wage customer service job) told me that I wouldn't have to work more hours than him (as an attorney, for more than twice his income) if I just had some time management skills. They will say and do ANYTHING to make sure you know they are stronger, smarter, more together - better in every way, than you are. Why? Because they don't believe it themselves. He knows he could never cope living your life, that he could never manage. So he has to deflect and make sure it's YOU who isn't managing.
He feels you pulling away, too. The "lies" thing is to make sure you never have the gall to tell anyone the truth about him - because if you do, people will "see right through" your "lies", and will know "that the problems are all" you. So it would be best for you if you just lay back down in front of the door for him to continue wiping his feet on you.
Don't fall for it and don't let him get to you. Tough as that is to actually achieve.
IMHO this is to be expected from someone like that! That is who they truly are ..they will never want you to succeed because they truly don't love you... take it and let it make you stronger in your resolve to be free!
Not trying to make light if it but when I hear others on here and my own H it starts to feel like you're playing a card game and with each one they draw they show you before putting in their hand. They are unable to process their own emotions so they have to borrow from what they see in others.
The fact that he's upping the ante means that you are showing your independence more and he's nervous. His attempt to squash you so he feels more comfortable. Abusers are all about control and don't like to be in uncertain outcomes so he's trying to get things manageable for him again. JMHO.