Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have been with this guy for a year now, and he is always angry with me...over things that are ridiculous. I suggested the wrong kind of potatoes, forgot to say thank you, gave him "the wrong" directions because he wanted to take a different route, etc.
Last night, he used my toilet and it got blocked. He went on a rampage and started yelling and swearing, told me that I don't take normal sh*ts and that's why I never block my low-quality Canadian toilet (he is from France).
He told me to go buy a mop like a normal person has (I don't have a traditional mop and bucket, I have a swiffer mop. I live in a 1000 sq ft condo, and find that the swiffer mop does fine). Anyway, the only open store was a pharmacy, and I couldn't find a mop. So I bought a microfibre type dusting thing, and he scoffed at it. He told me that I didn't know what a mop looks like because of my culture and my family, He then tried to educate me by showing me what a mop looks like on the internet. I told him that the pharmacy didn't have a mop, and I told him I had a swiffer mop (he didn't know what that was). I showed it to him, he scoffed at that, and told me to get out of the third world/middle ages and buy a mop...to act like a European.
I was so upset at the whole episode that I had to take a sick day today.
This is abuse, right?
Why do I continue to have him in my life?
Afraid of being lonely, maybe?
Last night, he used my toilet and it got blocked. He went on a rampage and started yelling and swearing, told me that I don't take normal sh*ts and that's why I never block my low-quality Canadian toilet (he is from France).
He told me to go buy a mop like a normal person has (I don't have a traditional mop and bucket, I have a swiffer mop. I live in a 1000 sq ft condo, and find that the swiffer mop does fine). Anyway, the only open store was a pharmacy, and I couldn't find a mop. So I bought a microfibre type dusting thing, and he scoffed at it. He told me that I didn't know what a mop looks like because of my culture and my family, He then tried to educate me by showing me what a mop looks like on the internet. I told him that the pharmacy didn't have a mop, and I told him I had a swiffer mop (he didn't know what that was). I showed it to him, he scoffed at that, and told me to get out of the third world/middle ages and buy a mop...to act like a European.
I was so upset at the whole episode that I had to take a sick day today.
This is abuse, right?
Why do I continue to have him in my life?
Afraid of being lonely, maybe?
I must disagree with
and strongly urge you
NOT to tell him that
you recognize what
he's doing as abuse.
Telling an abuser
that you now understand
that he (or she) is being
abusive, in most cases
does one thing and one
thing only, and that's to
ESCALATE the abuse.
Telling an abuser anything
about anything (in nine
hundred ninety-nine cases
out of a thousand) will not
"reach" and abuser, teach
an abuser, or result in an
abuser doing anything but
becoming enraged and
ramping up whatever he
(or she) is doing in regards
to his (or her) abusive pattern.
gretchen . . . . . . my personal
suggestion and professional
recommendation is that you
NOT attempt to discuss what
he's doing in your relationship,
as if he were a rational person.
He's not. He's an abuser.
Who else would say:
"Fine, I hate the Philippines."
knowing that that's your heritage?
If you want your life to be
closer to what you want
it to be, I suggest that you
plug yourself into working
with a qualified counselor,
which will help you feel
stronger and clearer
about what you're entitled
to expect in a healthy
relationship. After that,
you'll determine if the
partner who tells you
he hates your ethnic
heritage is a partner
who deserves to share
your precious time and
caring.