You mean subtly and indirectly or directly abusing a child/teenager as a weapon to make sure you get really upset/freaked out/under pressure? Yes. In 2007 I had that happening to me. And it brought me to my limits literally.

Me - a non-law-person - had made the huge mistake to give an authorization for emergencies to my N ex (father of my then 16 year old son), I had sole custody yet my son wanted to stay at his father's place. We were amidst a mother-son-puberty-dynamic of letting go. So I wanted him to be cared for in case of an emergency. Otherwise the father would not have had the right to decide (in a hospital for instance).

The "father" used my authorization for emergencies to sue me in the name of my son. (He is a lawyer.) When I got that paper I broke down. Not only did he, the wealthy lawyer, sue me using my son's name, he even tried to make the community pay for it. There is a process costs allowance kind of thing our government provides for poor people. The N tried to apply for that in the name of the boy because his son was penniless... and needed to sue his mother... He did that behind my son's back.

Maybe it helps you to see all these incidents as a YES you did the right thing to leave a man like that? It certainly helped me. Even though I had left him when my son was a toddler. Back then I had no clue I had again chosen a narcissist. I did not even know what that word meant. Neither was I aware that both my parents were carrying severe PDs...

In my case my son partly identified/identifies with the aggressor. It has made the relationship very complicated. I love my now grown son dearly yet see a lot of his father's traits and patterns in him.

I have had my share, too. Still breaks my heart to be aware of that. When I was unconscious about my own history and legacy I sometimes was a toxic mother myself, too.

The best thing to avoid kids being used against yourself - in my perception - is to stay away from the N and do not envolve them into anything concerning young children/adults. They will use them like they use anybody for their toxic agendas.

Maybe this makes sense to you. I am not sure whether I got your question right.

Best
N

These incidents give us confirmation again and again that we did the right thing in walking away from someone like this. Using children as weapons is horrible, but most of them do it. Now you know not to count on him in the future.

When I was so hot fire mad at my spouse, I would hop on the treadmill. Those were my best work outs!

One of my absolute fav things is when my stbx tried to use my growing indepence and self care as an example of me being selfish. Um nope that's called taking care of me and I definitely know the difference!

Self-care is the
absolute
ANTIDOTE
to being abused.

Abuser HATE
when victims
or former-victims
practice self-care

because they know
that a person
practicing self-care
makes abuse
nearly impossible.

Self-care.
ROCK ON!!!!!!!!!