No. Life is not Candyland.

Just put it out there to your therapist. You have to get through the bad memories to be able to create new memories, instead of hanging on to old ones, e.g. Candlyland.

Try to figure out what makes this a good memory, what it was that made that time happy for you, and then, spend some time figuring out how to recreate those things as the 20 year old that you are now.

And yes, put it out to your therapist, she may be able to help you take that good part of your life, and recreate it in a different fashion to the present.

Hi tinkerbell -----

Right after high school, I went to a trade school before college. A teacher there gave us a tip. It was: Whatever works.

I say, ask your therapist. There are only two things a therapist isn't allowed to do. One is to knowingly hurt you. The other thing is to violate your boundaries in any way. A long time ago, I knew someone who said his therapist (this was many decades ago), spent their sessions playing chess. So what's so wrong with Candyland?

And Sweeet ----- I really enjoyed your profile. Are you a lyricist? I love your perspective! ---- Also, I agree that it's true that life isn't Candyland. And I emphatically agree that we need to process the bad stuff before we can move forward.

But if we have a few good memories from a hellish childhood, those few good memories are ours to hang onto wholly and soley just because they are ours and we're entitled to them. Maybe it was the few good feelings that served as a life raft for survival. Maybe somewhere inside the child's play, there's a vital key to how to proceed forward, now. Who knows? Why not give it its moment and see?

So my feeling about the Candyland-in-therapy question is, if the therapist is flexible or curious, or just open to see what's possible, I hope she'll give it whirl and see what surfaces. What do you have to lose? You can always return to the tough stuff, when the game is over.

As for you, tinkerbell, I wish you all kinds of healing and happiness. Joy is possible.

Be well --- all. Life may not be Candyland. But neither is it, Mission Impossible. Whatever brings you good feelings, do more of that!

IW

IW

Dear Tinkerbell,

It could be worse (feeling childish). I am 40 and still am struggling with this issue of feeling childish. My women's abuse support group leader recommended this book for me: Big Girls Don't Whine by Jan Silvious. I have read it and can see I still have much to learn and grow. It is a process Tinkerbell so hang tough! And I see nothing wrong with asking your therapist to play Candyland with you, especially when you tell her the reason that you feel you would like to play it.

Well, Tink (who was Peter's friend, Peter...who never grew up), perhaps all of us have a need inside to be nurtured and gently held, and engage in simple play and pleasures. I'm not convinced that this is childish.

What would the adult version of 'candy land' be? I think that is a very good question. Many adults never learned, or forgot how to play. Then there are different forms of adult play: actual playing of board games or cards, gift giving is a game of surprise, and then there the is the adult play between adult partners, if you know what I mean.

I work with children who have been abused and very often use play as a therapeutic tool, so yes, play can be therapy.

thanks everyone who replied. it helped a lot

sweeet,
by all means I was NOT saying that candyland is LIFE, I think I know quite a bit about what life is, I've been thru a lot of crap, I know that life is not fun and games, its hard work, I"ve had to work harder than most people I know. And I really don't appreciate your reply. Honestly, these forums are about helping people not cutting them down.

Oh no Tinkerbell... This can be so ambiguous... I did not mean to imply that you thought that, in a shallow way. Not at all...

I should have thought it thru.

I think my point was to let go of the memories... not to use 'Candyland' as the venue... to use YOU to get there, to build them.

I just kind of saw the idea of going back to the game as just that, going backwards, that's all.

Again, my apologies for my poor interpretation...

Hugs Tink.


Ilene... those are lyrics to a song, hence the youtube links I usually put up. Music works wonders for me so I usually try to put up a song that describes where I am at, along with the lyrics. I write, but the words you saw there aren't mine! Just thought provoking...

just letting everyone know that everything is all good now. im not holding anything against anyone. thanks for helping

If I may add one last thing: from my experience with different therapies and counselling etc., it's most definately NOT a bad thing to honour your inner child. Just so long as that doesn't interfere with what you have to do to take care of yourself and keeping yourself safe, then go for it! I am most definately a "big kid undercover" (as one friend coined the phrase for herself), always have bubbles in my purse in case there's a baby fussing and I can amuse her/him, have little minature toys that I carry with me whenever I go to a party etc. Now at work, that's a completely different story, I have to put on my "adult" hat and make sure my patients (I'm a massage therapist) will have confidence in the treatment I'm giving them. With one counsellor, a therapy we used was for me to make pictures with my left hand to bring out my inner child. I also had homework to get a cabbage patch doll just like me to take care of (I actually found a red head with BROWN eyes AND a saggittarius too!). Inner Child work... I'm including some links for you to check out:

http://healing.about.com/od/innerchild/Inner_Child_Therapy.htm
http://healing.about.com/od/innerchild/a/soothinnerchild.htm
http://inner-child-therapy.com/

I did sandbox therapy with my past therapist and it was fun and enlightening.

If you are tying to communicate with your child, I think it is appropriate to do so through that child's interest.

This may also be your intuition guiding you.