Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So I had 'the talk' with my husband today. I feel like I have had it hundreds of times over the last 21 years. He was working today and my son had a baseball game. my son is 13 and has been diagnosed with ADHD/ODD so he's been a huge challenge the past few years. My son's game did not go well and he pretty much sucked it up out there. I am okay with this as he plays better way more often than he plays bad and everyone is entitled to a bad game. Regardless, he was a bit pissy about it, understandably. I almost pulled out in front of a semi truck and he kind of freaked out, i stopped in time and he was upset. I said I was really sorry and thanked him for calling it out in time for me to stop. But he kept going on and on about it! It really pissed me off because that is what my husband does. I kind of snapped and called him my husband's name with a junior behind it. I knew as soon as I said it, it was wrong. he went off on me and said "if you're going to call me that, then BITCH, that's your new name" I told him that he was not to talk to me like that and then we were just silent. I talked to my husband later on and told him what happened and said that this was not acceptable and I cannot keep putting up with his crap especially now that I know what our son thinks. My husband apologizes and suddenly agrees to counseling and said he wants us to work it out and he knows it's him. The truth is, I have read through many of these posts and compared to some, I truly do believe he wants things to work out but I am afraid he really can't. I told him I can't take his word on this as he's said the same line of bull to me so many times and he has been better and it's not always bad but I can't help my son get better if my husband continues to act the way he does everytime something doesn't go his way. I think he is ADHD as well (Believe me, I have read every book on the subject since our son was diagnosed) but he won't get tested. Why would someone want to live in constant stress and be so negative most of the time? I have been able to keep my optomistic attitude over the years in spite of his. I truly believe his issue is more about him than it is about me. I know I have been posting a lot on this site for the past couple of days, and my problems don't seem nearly as bad as most of the others, so thanks for letting me vent. i don't know what I am going to do, maybe try counseling one more time. This time around I have a great therapist that I have been seeing since March and is aware of the issues and can see that he is an issue by linking our son's behaviors to what I have informed him of my husband. It's comforting to finally be able to journal my feelings in a safe place. Thank you all for reading.
My son's graduation went well yesterday, hardly any issues! One down, one to go! :-)
My son's graduation went well yesterday, hardly any issues! One down, one to go! :-)
But I would also say I am projecting my own experience onto yours, so you need to sit with it, and see what your gut it telling you. and then follow it. Your gut is going to tell you what is the best course of action, your mind is going to question everything and confuse the whole issue.
Good luck with this. Hugs...
Whenever that happens and he's not getting the point of what you had told him of not to say that to you, then the best thing to do at that point, speaking out and arguing more would only make his temper way worse, you may want to get your point across but this could only end up worse, so just to keep you more safe in a situation like that, ignore him, do your usually things, and other things that you always wanted to do like your favorite hobby or just hanging out with your favorite friends and also spend ore time with you son, you'll realize that even when things do go bad with you and your husband that you'll no longer find the need to run back to him, if you focus more on you and your son in the mean time. :)