When I first started dating him, he told me he had never been in love before. He said he wanted to be, but just never knew if he had met the right girl.

I could tell that he was baiting me and trying to challenge me to "prove myself". Even then, I KNEW he wasn't right. But I stuck around. I never once told him I loved him, and he never told me.

In a recent fight, right before I kicked him out, he said "You love me. You know you love me. You need to admit it."

I denied it, because....well, I didn't love him. I never did. You can't love a person like that really.

Abusers NEED to be loved because it makes them feel powerful. But they can't/won't love you. If they say they do, it's not true.

Oh he says he loves me and wants to live the rest of his life with me, but actions or non-actions (witholding), facial grimmaces, tisking and shaking the head.............


......... speak louder than words.

@ Learned - I totally hear you on what you are saying. I have heard "I love you" from men who constantly belittled me, from men who cheated on me, from a man who repeatedly raped and beat me, from men who never supported me when I needed it, were jealous or derisory of my success rather than sharing in my pride, and on and on and on.

I now have a man in my life who has never said those three words. But I know that he cares more for my wellbeing than any of the men who have told me they love me. And I know this because he hears me, he appreciates me, he commisserates with my failures and celebrates my successes, he applauds my freedom and growth without ever trying to control the direction they take.

The word doesn't matter much to me any more. It's just a word. Sure, it'd be nice to hear it, but it's not that big a deal, as long as I feel it and see it.