Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I just received this email, and really need some help not responding... Deciphering... Not driving myself crazy...
From the Ex
I really cared about you., but I always took a back seat to your friends and sugar daddies. Always. I can't believe I put up with as much as I did. You had me under a spell I guess. At least I can say I gave it a shot. I don't have to live with regrets--knowing I didn't at least try to make it work. I don't think we ever really had a chance. You didn't allow us to have one. Maybe you did early on. I'll never know. Like you said, we were walking a doomed path. The last few months of our friendship were the worst of the 5+ years I've known you. The summer of 2013 could have, and should have, been the best of my life. Instead it was the worst. I've spent the past month trying to make sense of what you were to me. In the end you were either a really great fwb, or a really terrible girlfriend. I choose to believe the former. At least it's something. I don't have to feel like a chump and pushover that way. Take care, T. I hope you have a happy birthday. I wish you well.
From the Ex
I really cared about you., but I always took a back seat to your friends and sugar daddies. Always. I can't believe I put up with as much as I did. You had me under a spell I guess. At least I can say I gave it a shot. I don't have to live with regrets--knowing I didn't at least try to make it work. I don't think we ever really had a chance. You didn't allow us to have one. Maybe you did early on. I'll never know. Like you said, we were walking a doomed path. The last few months of our friendship were the worst of the 5+ years I've known you. The summer of 2013 could have, and should have, been the best of my life. Instead it was the worst. I've spent the past month trying to make sense of what you were to me. In the end you were either a really great fwb, or a really terrible girlfriend. I choose to believe the former. At least it's something. I don't have to feel like a chump and pushover that way. Take care, T. I hope you have a happy birthday. I wish you well.
If the mentally deranged idiot wants to view reality in a distorted way then he's more than welcome to pods off to that fantasy land, away with the fairies! So long as I'm no longer dragged along with him on the ride to magical fairy bullshit land, he can think what he likes because living in reality and truth is absolutely priceless and in fact I pity my ex living the way he does, it's a very sad life!
Funnily enough, when I started standing up to my husband after getting a job, he said THAT was the worst time in our relationship as well. He said I was getting myself an attitude and oversized ego. Ha! Pot. Kettle. Black.
All I really had was confidence in the face of his repeated crap, and he didn't like it because it meant he didn't own me.
This email is only further proof of why leaving him was the BEST decision you ever made. Don't let him steal any more of your time or opportunities!!
Hugs and good thoughts xx
Nothing to say that
hasn't been said.
Obviously, he had
to have the last word.
That's consistent with
CONTROL and
DOMINANCE.
If it were me, I'd create
a ceremonial destruction
of the "physical" email, as
a kind of "funeral" for your
attempt to have a relationship
with someone who turned
out to not be a viable partner.
Now. . . . please practice
meticulous SELF-CARE.
Sending you hugs
and healing prayers.
I agree with MTC, its all about him. He is so self consumed the only way to make himself feel no guilt and no blame is to cast it upon you.
I wish I had advice, but unfrotunately I feel what you do and all I can do is send strength and encouragement your way because I know how tough it is.
my birthday was a month ago. And I received the same email almost to a T.
When I didn't reply I got constant messages all day long on my mail, texts, facebook that I was acting inmature and further proof that I was the one to blame for everything.
This went on until 3 am of the following day.
It is extremely painful to receive this kind of messages and worst of on your birthday.
But even on my weakest, I knew this was wrong.
And every message only further proved how twisted he truly is.
I was truly dying of anxiety all day long. And only prayed for him to stop.
I hope you didn't reply, and I send to you hugs and strength.
I does get better.
I know that, and I'm not even out yet.
Hang in there.
I have no doubt he did this specifically to ruin my birthday. It is on Wednesday, and undoubtedly this was meant to as a double-whammy, both insulting and letting me know without a doubt that I will not hear from him on my birthday.... For the first time in six years.
It is incredibly painful. I have had some time this week to think about his actions, the email, his silence, ect. I have no doubt that each is intended to hurt me... He is abusing me from a far... The trick is if I let him. His coldness and silence are meant to stonewall me, something he went on and on about never doing again just this past summer. I can feel it my bones. I also happened to drive by a place we would often meet on a Friday afternoon today, and guess who was there? Yep, him. I think he was waiting for me to show up, but I just drove on.
I broke down in tears on the way home, and have been crying for the past couple of hours. My dog (who is HUGE) climbed into my lap and wrapped his paws around me, covering me with kisses. I felt his unconditional love, such a disparity between him and my ex. I believe a human being that you empty your heart out to, who you shared a life and memories with should be as capable of as much compassion as an animal. It just makes me sad...
How did you get through it, Sandra? Any words of advice would be much appreciated!
I don't know if I can offer you the best advice as I myself spent yesterday in bed crying my eyes out.
I'm still working my way through this, but the best way I have found for myself is to shut him out completely. To break all ties as much as I can. I know I am doing the right thing, yet it kills the emptiness that he left behind. And the disappointment, just like you said. That someone you spent so many memories and time together could be so cruel.
You want to know the worst part, is everyone still believes him. Everyone still tells me what a catch I left behind, and it messes with my head.
But the truth is we deserve better, you deserve someone who will want of whats best for you, especially on your birthday.
My therapist says they seek you out on special dates because that's when you are at you most vulnerable.
So they'll attack you, or try to be nice, anything to try a reaction.
I was preparing for it, and I knew it would happen.
It made it easier to understand it, and it sadden me that he fit the profile perfectly.
It made it sense but it was extremely painful.
Hang in there, I like to believe we are working our way through it.
It isn't easy but its our lives we are fighting for.
I send to you a hug and happy wishes.