Fyi, the 'sugar daddies' he is referring to are my clients. He has always accused me of sleeping with them and calling them my sugar daddies.

Wow, it's all about him isn't it? You really treated him badly you witch you...casting a spell on him. I, I, I, I, I ... you did ....you were....you you you (blaming). But he gave it a shot, didn't he? Poor thing, he'll probably never recover (she says sarcastically). What a scumbag!!!

It never ceases to amaze me how full of themselves they are.

freedom, just remember he is just projecting his s**t onto you. This has nothing to do w/you.

I'd say let him stew in his own toxic juices.

~Big strength filled hugs~

Agree with MTC. But the first thing I would say is that there is really nothing in there to respond to at all. He is rewriting history to make himself feel better. So what? How many times in the past have you tried to give him your perspective on things, and how many times has he heard you and admitted that his view was inaccurate?

You don't need to defend yourself to this man. You know the truth, you know what happened, you know who you are. And he will never know any of those things, no matter what you say to him, because he sees what he wants to see - he was a great guy, and you were just a two bit tramp who never treated him right, who was impossible to deal with and who was constantly cheating on him. You've tried so many times to tell and/or show him otherwise. There is absolutely no point in trying again.

Interesting that the last few months were "the worst". I remember you saying that was when you decided to just not take his crap and to call him on his abuse. You evil woman you! Clearly YOU weren't trying at all and didn't care a jot for him if you were willing to stand up for yourself against his nasty jibes and stupid circular conversations and ridiculous accusations.

Typical. Have you been no contact for a long time? Just don't respond to this garbage.

The way I read this is "you weren't what I wanted, you didn't change to become what I wanted, so now I'm all hurt and I am going to blame it all on you."

The sugar daddies part is just way over the top. It just sounds like he is trying to get back at you.

Free...you are so much better then that, then him. Please...it's painful...what a dumb ass to write that to you after you have come so far, so well....just ignore. Draft a response....vent as much as you want...but please don't give him the satisfaction of a response. He wants to think you still care, that you still love him dearly. Don't show him any of your current cards. It's not his business. Your business with him is, very sadly and unfortunately, over. Be strong...I believe in you.

LT

It was a month exactly from yesterday that I last communicated with him... Yesterday, I was flying home from a business trip, and I started crying on the plane. I was a blubbering mess! I missed him sooo much, and was having a hard time with how everything ended... I just cutoff contact with him, after his last over the top tirade where he told me to f*** off and that I was sleeping with everyone else anyhow. It was so terrible, I deleted the conversation from my phone.

This is the truth of our relationship... And I am going to write it here because I cannot write it to him.


I loved him with everything that I had from the very start of our relationship. I gave up my education, opportunities to move into a career I really loved, I forgot my interests... I was always very interested in social justice. I wrote a paper that earned me a scholarship to get my PhD. from one of the very best colleges in the nation... And I did nothing with it. I stopped writing academically. I almost stopped writing all together... Because I always wanted to be there for him. I lost multiple friendships because I was always waiting for him to call, to pick up the pieces of his own life while mine fell apart. I had an abortion because he pressured me into it... I didn't want to ruin his life. He called me a liar and stopped talking to me while I was having the procedure done. He didn't talk to me for two months... Until his uncle died. I held his hand through his divorce. When his parents stopped talking to him, I was there for him... In every way. When he hurt his neck and didn't have enough money for a doctor, I called in favors from a friend to take care of him. When he wanted sex, I was there. When he need to complain about his job, I was there.

I have been the only constant in his life for the past 6 years. When everyone else abandoned him, I was there. I held him when he was sick, picked him up when he couldn't stand. I was there for him.

I gave him every single second of the last six years of my life... If not in body, than in mind.

He discarded me in February, over Valentine's Day... After about a week of texts and emails that made me feel so horrible about myself that I was seriously contemplating suicide, I cut him communication with him.

When he contacted me again, he said so many of the things I hear Yellow's husband saying... I am so sorry. I will never love anyone like you. I didn't know how much I hurt you. I could never hurt you again. I promise to get better. I am working on it. I am trying. I love you more than anything...

When I went back, I tried to love him even better, to be even more understanding... While calling him on his abuse... That is why this summer was 'one of the worst of his life'. I didn't do anything bad, I just refused to uproot my life and marry him based on wishful thinking without proof of change.

for that I have been called:

A whore

A slut

Selfish

Irresponsible

Mean, cruel and intolerant

A liar (more times than I can count)

Manipulative

Cunning

A bitch

Psycho

Crazy

Insane

And a few more other names I can't think of right now.

I missed the 'good' him... The one we all caught glimmers of that made us stay...

The him that didn't last because it wasn't real. I can't believe just yesterday I was mourning that loss, that even now I am looking around going 'what the hell happened?'

Reality: He was never the person I thought he was. Ever.

Everyone here keeps me grounded, and lets me know I am not alone in this.

I am not the only to give my all and get less than nothing in return. But I did learn something valuable about myself, that I have a lot to give for the right person who comes along, for the person who cares about me as much as I do about them. And never, EVER, will I give away my power again.


Hollywood makes it look so romantic... Give someone all of your love, every last piece of who you are, every last dollar (emotionally, mentally and spiritually), and true love will be yours... The truth is that true love will never take all of who you are, it will never demand it, because it is about appreciating who YOU are and supporting you in your growth.

MTC and Livin', I twist and Kevin,

I take to heart everything each one of you has said. You are right, I do not need to defend myself to this man. And he is re-writing history endlessly... Nothing will change that, no matter how many counters or proof of the opposite I have.

Livin, I know that is exactly what I am to him... A two-bit tramp who treated a good guy like him terribly... That will undoubtedly be the story he tells his next victim. But that doesn't change the truth of who I am...

And that is something I am really struggling with today... That I am not this horrible, mean monster that he has made me out to be.

Itwist, you are right... He is looking for reassurance that I still love him, that I still care about him. This email was sent to deliberately provoke me into responding to him, while also nicely re-writing history.

He is highly manipulative and trying to get me to show my hand.

It is still incredibly painful and insulting.

This board is such a comfort to me... Everyone here is my friend whether they know it or not! :)

It is very difficult not to respond to emails they send, especially ones that you are dying to correct them on their delusions of what happened and give them a real clear picture of what really happened. I sometimes feel like they just like to remind us of their existence every once in a while, so that they know we aren't forgetting about them. It makes it very difficult when then send provoking emails or messages and that is exactly why they do it, for attention, because even if it's negative attention, either way they know they have gotten your attention. I'm trying to be strong and stop responding, but so far I haven't been able to... I hope you can be stronger than I am, and ignore his ignorance! Big hugs to you!

So he felt the need to insult you by calling you a fwb instead of a gf ... what a jerk.

So he wanted to marry you then called you every name in the book because you didn't want to rush into it? That surely made him more attractive!

I'm so happy for you that you've left him and are finding peace. All those tears you shed will strengthen you. Believe it. You will come out of this much stronger and more beautiful as well.

My take on the email...

Rewriting history to make you look like the bad guy? Check.

Projection -- accusing you of doing things he did? Check.

Making it all about him? Check.

Fake well-wishing to make himself look like a prince? Check.

Looks like a typical message from an abuser.

I'm sorry this is painful for you. I agree with the others who say don't respond. You don't need this aggravation and crazy-making in your life. The less you interact with him, the better.

And since it appears you have a birthday coming up, I will just add: Happy Birthday. I hope you have a nice one.

Got the same letter from my ex after he left, impregnated another woman while we were still married, etc. It was all about how I never loved him as much as he loved me and everyone else was more important. (That is, when I was not being interrogated for leaving the house)! And yes, I had him also under a spell and way too much power over him. THis is why he went off with the ow -- because he didn't worry about her and he didn't love her as much so it was so much easier for him! lol These guys really do go to the same school! It's crazy! hahaha

Sorry for the hurt, Freedom. He sounds like a real piece of work. He knows just how to twist that knife. You did great to not respond to him. Wow, I mean, what a way to wish someone a happy birthday. Jerk.

I really hope that you are starting to think about your academic career again if it's important to you. It is never too late!!