Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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beingshannon 12/23/2014

I wondered how long it would take him to realize that I was checking out of the relationship for real. No more talking about the "kids" (19&21) which really means slamming me about being a bad mother. No more talking about "money". No more discussions about anything.

NC for 10 days, 3 hours, and 18 minutes

He has called me today. I did not answer or take the call. Now it will begin. I can easily predict what will happen now. He will text. He will email. He will call again. He cannot stand when he cannot reach his whipping doll. Then, the real hatefulness will start. He will call my kids and ask to talk to me. Complain to them. Ruin another Christmas.

Just had a nice lunch with my son and my mother. It is rainy and cozy here in Seattle. We are wrapping gifts and the house smells like a pine tree (candle!) It isn't like Christmas's past, but damn it... it is all mine. This apartment, these decorations, these gifts, the food, these things are mine and I did this and I want to enjoy it. Peace for this Holiday season.

Any tips or advice is appreciated. I feel like if I can make it through Christmas Day, somehow then the toughest part is over, and I can make it through any thing.

Thanks for your help. I think of you all as my support team and you are awesome.

beingshannon 12/23/2014

And so it happened. The texts, the calls, the demands that I GIVE him some attention. I responded to a text and said "what is so wrong?" and then... crickets. This is how he does. Now, his big plan, I know, is radio silence. The goal is to send me right to Crazy Town.

How hateful is this. How sad that I broke no contact for this.

SleepyWalrus 12/23/2014

If he makes things start to feel tough for you just try imagining this: imagine what it would be like to send him a huge bag of those Haribo sugar-free gummy bears for Christmas. Look up the product reviews for this on Amazon and you'll see why (the sugar substitute used in them causes them to essentially become weapons grade laxatives marketed as candy, and the company even has to put a little disclaimer about it on the bags).

Then take satisfaction in the idea of him crumpled on his bathroom floor for a day, laying beside the decimated remains of his now broken toilet. (Half of the product reviews involve some variation ofvthis scenario).

beingshannon 12/23/2014

Nice one, walrus. Nice visual.

I am officially in Crazy Town again. I feel crazy. I feel like I am all in it again and nothing is worse.

Who had this quote? This is perfect. I hate myself right now.

"don't like what you become when you interact with your spouse/SO, it's time to leave. "

MyTrueColors 12/23/2014

I'm pretty sure that was me. Realizing I didn't like who I was when I was around him was one of the catalysts that resulted in my leaving.

Have you done Ilene's card exercise? If so, keep the cards handy and each time he tried to contact you, draw a card and keep reading it until the urge to even want to believe him and/or contact him goes away.

NC sucks, but you can do this! You DESERVE to enjoy not only Christmas, but every day w/o him or the stress & chaos he invokes!!!

~hugs~

Tangelo 12/23/2014

Forgive yourself for breaking No Contact and recommit to give yourself the best life.

You can do this.

beingshannon 12/23/2014

Thank you. Thank you. I have been beating myself up harshly. I asked him to please stop "devaluing me" and he snorted and said, "that's not even a word".

wow

newrose2013 12/24/2014

that stinks that he's started stuff but first off, be kind to yourself, tell yourself whatever you would tell a friend. Next, go with your gut that you can predict how it will go and use that to your advantage. Remind yourself of it so you don't buy into it.

It's their game and you are in a much better place than ever before and you know the game so now you can outsmart it. It's hard and it's painful at times, and maybe goes against your grain but you've done it before, you can do it again.

Focus on all the good things you've done and the peace of mind you have now, keeping you in my prayers. Stay strong and continue to enjoy the Christmas you deserve

s121214 12/24/2014

Don't beat yourself up, just go back to NC. You and I both know that going back to these guys is hopeless, they will never change, things will never get better. Trust is well and truly gone. Just cos you responded doesn't mean you are going back. You reacted, that's all. You know the only way is to leave and heal, so minimal to no contact is needed to achieve that. Love yourself enough to not allow him to hurt you anymore. I sense from reading your posts that you have let him go, the process of doing that is so individual, there is no recipe and simply responding to him doesn't mean all the hard work you have put in to moving on is wasted. It's a learning procees, a new wayof living, that won't just happen overnight. Be kind to yourself, accept you did respond and don't judge it or yourself. Repeat after me 'He NO longer has the control to manipulate me, I choose to let go, I have the CONTROL now, game over!' Sending you hugs, you can fo this xx

beingshannon 12/24/2014

Thank you. I feel a little better this morning. I have let go. Just because he called doesn't mean he has changed. I also learned something. It is going to be difficult to go no contact when my kids are around, too. I fear that he will bring them into it.

Sometimes, I have noticed, that I feel super better after I do talk to him.... When there is NC he is like a mysterious ghost that I loved who disappeared from my life. When I do talk to him, he is like a douchey douchebag that I really don't want to waste time on.

s121214 12/24/2014

Douchey douchbag lol, I like that. How old are your kids?

MendingToday 12/24/2014

It is all mine! You claimed it you go girl! You are on your way and that is a victory in itself. Its a shame they can't see these things before we decide we have had enough! Enjoy your day, he doesn't have that power over you anymore. You rock!!!!!

IleneW 12/24/2014

AWESOME.

beingshannon 12/24/2014

My kids are 19 & 21 - such good kids. ;)

s121214 12/24/2014

Awww that's good. They are old enough then to know more what is going on? If you give them heads up what yheie dad is likely to do then they will know how to handle it to your benefit? Set some boundaries? Xx

radrm 12/24/2014

Wow do they all do the same thing? Mine was texting and texting and I ended up breaking it too. He ended up accusing me of being with someone else because I wont go back with him then he called me a puta (slut in spanish) and he sent me to crazy town too! Sorry this happened to you too! I am back to NC today. I feel a lot of anxiety but I just got off work and maybe a beer will help me tone it down and relax. My son and I have roommates this year so we are not so alone anymore. He probably can't stand that either. These guys (abusers) are all alike its like they all read the same book! Incredible. I hope you can find your peace today and tomorrow. I know I will Im going to be with my son and our new family and go to Church at Midnight for Christmas! I am going to do my best not to let him ruin me right now. NC just go back to NC thats my advice. I need to take my own advice too!
Merry Christmas Eve!! I'm trying to think of the real reason we celebrate this day!

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