Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
My abusive ex and I have been separated for years, but our divorce is only recently final. He has regular visits with our children while he is under a therapist's care.
So a month ago I sent him an email with a (very fair) suggestion for how to split Easter and spring break.
He said: No, can't do it, I already booked off the opposite times with work.
Me: (deep breath) Fine, I'll change my schedule
* no response *
* no response *
Me again: Can you please confirm that this is what we are doing so I can make holiday plans?
Him, angrily: I never said we were doing [schedule he insisted on,] you said that! I've just been sitting here trying to follow along while you change your mind! I never know what you want!
_________________
UGH UGH UGH this is so triggering for me. I want to reply and tell him that it's crazy to claim I said anything when he was the one who wanted the schedule changed. I want to write him a mean note telling him that I'm not playing games with him any more. I want to ignore him and just go ahead with my plans.
What I HAVE to do is get him to commit to some kind of fair schedule for the kid's sakes before Easter arrives.
But it feels like no matter what I say, he'll twist it around into a fight. Or he'll show up on some random day demanding to see the kids. And he'll make me out to be the difficult one.
So a month ago I sent him an email with a (very fair) suggestion for how to split Easter and spring break.
He said: No, can't do it, I already booked off the opposite times with work.
Me: (deep breath) Fine, I'll change my schedule
* no response *
* no response *
Me again: Can you please confirm that this is what we are doing so I can make holiday plans?
Him, angrily: I never said we were doing [schedule he insisted on,] you said that! I've just been sitting here trying to follow along while you change your mind! I never know what you want!
_________________
UGH UGH UGH this is so triggering for me. I want to reply and tell him that it's crazy to claim I said anything when he was the one who wanted the schedule changed. I want to write him a mean note telling him that I'm not playing games with him any more. I want to ignore him and just go ahead with my plans.
What I HAVE to do is get him to commit to some kind of fair schedule for the kid's sakes before Easter arrives.
But it feels like no matter what I say, he'll twist it around into a fight. Or he'll show up on some random day demanding to see the kids. And he'll make me out to be the difficult one.
Once my ex actually showed up early. I told him that our son was down at a friend's house and that he hadn't expected him for another two hours. My ex basically had to cool his heels and wait for the kids to come back home...
My best advice is to not get upset by it. Treasure your time with your kids. Looking back over the years, some of the best times we had as a family were waiting for their dad to show up. Kids were packed and it was cool down/ fun time. We'd play cards, games, or watch movies. Or we'd cuddle on the couch as I had to nap before working 11-7.
Is it fair? Nope. But at the time I made it sounds AWESOME. Now that my kids are 13 and 15, they realize that their dad was a jerk.