Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I know it is absolutely necessary for my sanity and success. But it is hard. I am used to contacting him. I have made a little observation though. Wednesday I was good about it...no contact all day. By evening he had found something silly to ask me about, something he could've answered myself, and texted me. I answered. Then he proceeds to send me nice texts. Misses sleeping next to me. Misses being home. Loves me. Last night I gave into my anxiety and texted him. Nasty, nasty, nasty. Everything is my fault. He's sick of waiting for me to fix my shit. I've deprived him as a man and he is going to fulfill his needs. I just ignored all of these ( and deleted so I wouldn't torment myself.) This morning he texts "good morning honey." So if he feels I'm not contacting him he's nice, but if I reach out he's mean. Does this make sense???
I know it's hard. I lost count of the number of times I broke and restarted No Contact over the years. It's been over two years since I last contacted him to ask him to do something he was court ordered to do. (I'm still waiting.)
My suggestion is to block his number so you won't see his texts or get any calls.
In addition, create "plans a, b & c" to implement when you are tempted to contact him. It will help immensely. These plans are things you can do instead of contacting him until the 'urge' passes.
It's like going thru withdrawals. Joining an in person support group like CoDA can also be helpful. Calling a friend who can 'talk you down' is another option.
Everything about No Contact is hard. But it really helps to have a good therapist and a good support network to help you thru this.
Know that there is no shame in breaking No Contact. The good thing is that you can always start over. And the longer you go, the easier it gets.
~healing hugs~
If you had told me in the beginning that I would prefer no contact, especially in such a short amount of time, I would never have believed it.
Sometimes I call the crisis line if I get the urge to call him. I remind myself that he will only hurt me & let me down as well.
going through this.
I agree that when
you're tempted to
break No Contact,
call a hotline or
call a friend or
do ANYTHING
that acts as a
circuit breaker
to following through
and contacting him.
Also, this is another
time to implement
my Clarifying Index
Card exercise, either
to begin it, if you
haven't yet done it,
or return and review
the cards you've
already generated.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
healing and
serenity.