Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I left yesterday. This is the 4th time I've left him. I pray it is the last time.
I woke up at 4:00 a.m. in this nasty motel room. I think I'm getting a cold. I have a headache. I have $400.00 to my name. All my stuff is at his house. I have no job and no place to live.
Even with all this, I'm better off than I was yesterday at 4:00 a.m. Yesterday at 4:00 a.m. I was hiding in the spare room, still shaking from the screaming abuse he'd thrown at me the night before.
I could go back today. He would be sorry. He would make promises to be different. He would tell me how much he loves and needs me. He would be better for a while, but he would not stop drinking. He would eventually go back to trying to control what I do, what I think and what I say. I would accommodate him again and then things would get worse and in 3 or 4 months or 3 or 4 weeks I would be frantic to get out again. In my heart I really know this. I really knew it the last time I came back.
I need to stay gone. I need to just stay gone. I have so much to do to rebuild a life. But for today, I just need to stay gone.
I woke up at 4:00 a.m. in this nasty motel room. I think I'm getting a cold. I have a headache. I have $400.00 to my name. All my stuff is at his house. I have no job and no place to live.
Even with all this, I'm better off than I was yesterday at 4:00 a.m. Yesterday at 4:00 a.m. I was hiding in the spare room, still shaking from the screaming abuse he'd thrown at me the night before.
I could go back today. He would be sorry. He would make promises to be different. He would tell me how much he loves and needs me. He would be better for a while, but he would not stop drinking. He would eventually go back to trying to control what I do, what I think and what I say. I would accommodate him again and then things would get worse and in 3 or 4 months or 3 or 4 weeks I would be frantic to get out again. In my heart I really know this. I really knew it the last time I came back.
I need to stay gone. I need to just stay gone. I have so much to do to rebuild a life. But for today, I just need to stay gone.
It is so good to read that you are taking it step by step. Leaving is a HUGE victory. You are looking out for your future by leaving and already rebuilding your life. Let that strengthen you instead of letting the future scare you. You have made it this far and now you are armed with more awareness than ever. You will succeed.
Is the counselor going to help you get foodstamps and a place to live? What types of services do they offer?
the course of leaving, and
you're certainly in the midst
of one of the hardest.
Use every technique you
can lay your hands on to
stay No Contact.
Friends
Clarifying Index Cards
Counseling
Support to set you up
in a new place to live
Here's one that helped
me a whole bunch:
I imagined what life
would be like a year
from that moment,
if I didn't tell him that
day, that I would be
filing for divorce.
That day was still
really hard, but I
did it.. There were
problems after that
day, but I soldiered
through to a better
life. You will too..
Please stay strong.
Sending you hugs
and pryaers for all
good things.
This morning in this crappy motel, the shower flooded the entire bathroom. It took every towel & quite a bit of time to clean it up. When I was done, it felt good. This is like where I'm at now. It will take every resource I can find and a bit of time, but I will feel good when it's done.
I think I'm feeling "hope"
Learn from the last 3 times. Learn what worked for you then, and what didn't. Use those. I want to also say I LOVE that you stated that this is your 4th time, without beating yourself up for the other 3. Many of us left several times before making it final.
You are doing so well. Keep reaching out as often as you need.
Please, stay no contact. Some of us struggle with that endlessly, needlessly. It is the very best thing you can do. Minute by minute if need be.
He will DO IT AGAIN. They always DO!!! Stay strong!
He then went on to say all the things that are wrong with me and what I'm doing to make him drink. I did not respond. I didn't disagree. He said he wanted to end it also. That he would be nice and would give me a few weeks to get my stuff out. Said he wanted his house back. Said I wasn't any fun anymore, and that I was looking old and not fixing my self up anymore. ( I had spinal surgery 4 weeks ago, so yeah, I'm not quite up to par.)
I really, really don't care what he thinks of me. This is new and it is true.(Thank you God) Every time I tried to leave before, I was so consumed that he not think badly of me. I don't give a rat's butt this time. He can think what he wants, just let me go.
I also have been here before. He is not done with me. The texts started tonight "I need you to know that I really never would hurt you, not that it matters". I did not respond - don't know what I could say. It's also not true - he was very close to hitting me. I know this in my body and my heart. And if I ever go back to him, someday he will hit me.
So I'm going to take care of me. For one more day I am staying away. And every day I stay away, it will get easier and I will get better.
Now he knows you are not coming back. That's all he needs to know. Nothing else. When you say he is not done with you. He is if you make it so. Stick to your guns. Don't take the bait, the blame, at all. Great to take one day at a time. Stay gone. Things may come together for you sooner than you think. Look straight ahead, don't be distracted by his nonsense. Follow the path before you. Way to go!!