Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
after 51 years of abuse from parents and relationships I have meet a wonderful man. I have been out of my last abusive relationship for 9 months. I did 1 year of abuse counseling and think i am pretty good at spotting an abuser. He listens to my stories and never puts me down or ask why did you stay. he just listens. And gives hugs when needed. He allows me to do things at my pace and never pushes. He is always positive. He cooks me dinner and has a ice cold soda waiting at the door for me. Heres the problem this is like going to a forgien country and not speaking the langague. He wants to do date nites with his friends. wow he wants to include me in his life. I feel i wont fit in. I wont be good enough. i spent lots of years being told I wasnt good enough. I am going to go and do things. Even cooking what if i cant do that right. how many dinners went into the trash before. I thought sex I would be bad at that also, after all my abuser wouldn't have cheated if i was better. I refuse to allow my abusers to still have controll of me. I have told him how this is different for me and how i am only pieces of a person. I explained how it scares me how i shut off my feelings and some times i cant turn me on again. I keep finding myself crying over what it shouldnt be like. He wont leave me because of this I know he will stand besides me. But how do we get past the feelings from the past and start living our new lives
-
My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
Working with a really good therapist, can help ---- over time.
And please don't push yourself or agree to do things that
cause you any anxiety, at least in the beginning.
If this guy is really and truly there for you, he won't
insist on you doing anything that you're not up to doing.
Going back into your letter, I see you wrote:
He allows me to do things at my pace and never pushes.
First of all, Hon ----- you are totally an adult.
Unless you're in jail, no one has any entitlement
to "allow" anything in regards to your choices.
Only YOU have that entitlement.
But, again ----- if this one is genuinely there for you
in your life, then ----- while he has the right to suggest
whatever he may want ------- whatever that might be,
he will WAIT for you to proceed or to NOT proceed.
Last of all . . . . . . . whatever lies your ex-abuser
tried to convince you of about yourself. . . . . . now
it's time to reclaim your glorious, splendid, magnificent
self in all your beauty and magnificence. If there's
something you think maybe you can do better . . . .
then practice it. . . . . and you WILL!
If your new guy is great, then that's completely wonderful.
I strongly urge you to get a therapist to help you with
the process of recovery and reclamation of your self.
Then, at home, blossom at your own pace. And if
you detect any resistence to your doing that, DON'T
IGNORE it. That's where too many of us have
gotten into messes ----- wanting to believe our
new partner is something they later turn out to
be the opposite of.
Truckloads of hugs to you and all kinds of warm
wishes and prayers.
Be well and love your self and your life!
FYI, when I met my second husband he was the perfect gentleman, he was consistent, reliable, and what I thought was a good listener. Turns out, he wasn't listening at all... he just drifted and was pretending to be a good listener as I talked, not hearing a word I said. I found that out after we were married, he didn't give a crap about what I was feeling or thinking or saying.... I was just another emotional female to be tolerated. I found that out a week after the honey moon, because every time I shared an opinion, a plan, a thought, a feeling, he would fly into a nonsensical tyrade (to shut me up) and it only got worse over time, to the point where I couldn't even open my mouth unless it was to compliment him, or talk about things he liked. I never saw that one coming!