Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So this morning I had to listen to a 30 minute lecture on why I have to be so prideful that I will let my kids go without just because I am angry with him. This then became a rant (a calm one no less) about how the whole problem with our relationship is that I don't know how to communicate effectively. If only I would tell him that I need help (as long as I can say it in a respectful manner), he would gladly help. Which then became the admonition that it isn't his responsibility to help me out or mine to help him with his stuff. I can't understand why he doesn't hear himself and how very little sense he makes when he is constantly contradicting himself. (Of course, to be fair, it has only been fairly recently that I have started noticing this myself). Anyway, just still reeling and trying to stay strong. I know that what this comes down to is he is terrified how this may look to other people who may think he is letting his family drive in an unsafe vehicle and refusing to help with the expenses while he can buy himself numerous cars and help out other family members when they need transportation. So in effect, he is trying to convince me that my stubborn pride caused this entire issue, and if I would simply learn to communicate with him in the way that he wants and continue to allow him to treat me like crap everything would be fine!! Sorry, just another vent!!
plz take good care of you
He is embarrassed for everyone to wonder why you wouldn't call him if there is a problem with the car!
Your last sentence rings so true to me. my husband always says..
" If everyone would just do as I say... everything would be fine.
Yeah, HE would be fine.. the rest of us would feel like slaves without souls. grrrrrrr
My wife psychologically abused me to the point where I was harmful to myself. And on her most recent attack she said that everything is my fault and if I didn't "go crazy" we would be fine. In other words, if I would simply be a compliant abuse victim everything would be fine in her mind- because that's exactly what she wants! And that's the same message I'm getting from your husband here.
Your thoughts and feelings are valid and all the shame is on him for abusing them.
A parent's obligation to take care of their child is NOT dependent on the behaviour of the other parent, or of the child for that matter. But these types all believe it is - they are all about control, and so they believe they can use what is an obligation not a discretion, as a carrot with which to control their spouse, ex or child(ren).