Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

5,836 Members

27,933 Posts

0 Online

Thecalm1 04/19/2017

I have a close friend and I have become somewhat protective of her today she disclosed to me that both or her ex's were physically abusive and I said really!? And was a bit upset but I know it happens I dont think Ive known many women that havent been in that type of relationship... Anyway she proceeds to tell me not only was the one abusive but the guy poured Bleach all over her... WTF! Thats just as bad as pouring acid on someone just on the opposite side of the ph scale. Sorry getting into chem here but either way hearing that really set me off, anyone that does that to another human being is sick! Ive always wondered why my friend is sooo mild mannered and dosent want upset anyone and I finally understand! But its crap! This sounds horrible but I wish I could find this guy and turn the tables on him since I guess "Its acceptable to pour acids/bases on others" and the way she worded it made it even worse. She said it was "her punishment" for waking him up or something silly. Obviously im bot dumb enough to potentially ruin my life over someone that pathetic (the guy) but now I want to build my friend back up and make her be able to stand up for herself idk if that sounds weird but I dont want that s*** to ever happen to a friend. If something like that happened now that I have this friends back. I would probably go turn the tables and make this person feel the same pain he inflicted on my friend..Well WANT to... basically I am at a loss I want to help this girl because I care about her but Im bot sure how knowing what I know...

sorry for the long post with bad grammar etc but its really bothering me now.. thanks in advance for any real advice :)

bluesprite72 04/19/2017

Get her into councelling if possible. Also, just being the loving, supportive friend that you are, is huge. Encourage her to find things to do that she enjoys, help her to find her strength and self-worth. Help her to be around people who have a positive influence on her and who can love and support her for who she is. She needs to start trying to really love herself and heal before she can ever be in a better, more loving relationship again.

Thecalm1 04/19/2017

I could probably try to get her to see someone. Well hopefully its funny because she actually seems happier then I am but I think she hides her feelings and is timid about everything and I hate seeing a friend be timid and almost seem scared I want to see her strong if that makes sense... It kinda breaks me heart

bluesprite72 04/20/2017

I have a friend like you, who cares about me and has always seen my strength and good. I wouldn't have made it through things without her. We all need someone on our side to help us until we discover our own strength and good qualities. It is what we do, we hide how we are really feeling, because we feel like no one would understand, or we have just been dealing with it for so long, that we just do that. But it can also mean that even though we suffer, we can still find happiness in small things. Really that is what helps some of us keep going, to find beauty and happiness wherever we can, because we are living with so much ugliness. Keep being the great friend that you are to her. She will hopefully make it through this someday.

G8tful 04/21/2017

A good friend is always a help. That's why abusive people try to isolate their victims. You being there for her will help, but I wouldn't vocalize your violent thoughts about what should happen to her abuser, it might make her less likely to confide in you. We always think our friends wouldn't understand. We are afraid. I'm not surprised she downplayed the severity of the abuse or said it was "her punishment" that's how abusive people get away with it. They make their victims feel as if they deserve the abuse. We can appear strong, stronger than anyone if we need to. We become what is needed for survival. Eventually we withdraw into ourselves. Don't let that happen. She needs your friendship, she needs empathy and not judgment.

Join the Conversation