Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I don't know whats wrong with me lately, one day i think i know what i want the next i have no clue. Being in the relationship for 15 years make it really hard to let go i guess, plus the fact that he has been actually pretty normal lately, not getting upset alot and simply coming to me and telling me if something is bothering him. But even though he has started to change, it could be a phase, him being on his best behaviour because he doesn't have any income and he's so scared that i will leave him. Or he could be changing for the better because his business is actually going to come to fruition pretty soon. I just don't know if any of that makes any difference to me, there has been so much damage done, that it feels like I have lost my feelings for him, I do care for him obviously its been 15 years but I just don't think i can fake the rest of my life, trying to talk myself into believing i love him. I just don't think i have that in me and its not fair to me, of course he'd be perfectly happy with it. I guess i am just so confused, one minute he's not so bad and i can handle him, other times it just drives me nuts just being near him. I know this is to be expected and im going through every emotion possible right now, i just don't know how to get past this and not hurt him, which i know is not possible, he is so deeply in love with me and he doesn't know how to let go. He thinks we were made for forever, I just don't think it was. I wish he was normal and would just except it but i know he never will. so for now i will put on this fasad, as i have for 5 years and do what i do, just try to make it through day to day. Because we all know its not horrible every day right or we wouldn't stick it out for so long. I guess im rambling, but thats what i do, i dont know what to do anymore, they say the grass is always greener on the other side but thats cuz its fertilzed with shit. I can't imagine going through life not knowing what being passionate is, being in actual head over heals love instead of settling for just making it day after day. I want nothing but the best for him, I don't know why he can't want the same for me.
This is what you said, and I truly feel sorry that you are going through this. I'm not sure if you meant that he was always in love with you and you always settled for him, and now you want to know what being passionate is?
I finally decided that I only have 1 life to live. I don't want to be on my death bed, looking back, and saying "Maybe my life wasn't so bad." I want to live my life, and be able to look back saying "I had a great life!"
So, I took that first step on Friday. I know it's still fresh, and I have a long journey to go. It is REALLY hard to let go. When I was planning to leave, I almost backed out soooo many times. I even almost wanted to go back that day before he found out. But, when I thought about why I wanted to stay, every single reason was FOR HIM. Not for me or the kids.
You CAN do it! I would work on the clarifying index card exercise from Ilene. Also, just take out a piece of paper or in your journal write down what you want your life to be like. If it were an ideal world, how do you picture yourself living? Do you have any goals/wants that you can think of? Try to think about YOU, not HIM.
I do feel badly for your Hubby, though. Hopefully he will find someone that truly loves him then you can both be much happier.
I wish you the best of luck in figuring out what you are going to do. I wish you great passion and happiness!!!!
They only ever
change
for the worse.
Take care of
YOURSELF.
Take care of yourself and we can move on.
I feel the same way. You have described what I am going thru. I am just starting therapy to get me thru the wishy washy feeling.
Best of Luck.
By posting on here you are getting a lot of support, that is also a great starting point.
It has helped me a lot in my broken relationship. I have not left him, and not sure that I ever will.
I go back and forth with it, but the support we get here is awesome.
Keep posting. (((hugs))) to you.