Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Why am I so bothered by the fact that when I do allow even the smallest amount of contact, to try to maintain my edge, he somehow seems to gain control? When he left the vm saying we should just start fresh and to call him, he was easy to talk to cmon I know that, and he isn't much into text messages (I guess to explain away never returning mine about bringing his things back to him) and he'll be here waiting for my call..I didn't call but it got me messed up again and I finally unblocked him on fb and messaged him. He read it and didn't answer for a couple days and then it was a flippant one.
I felt like he was not taking me seriously so I was rather curt with him.
He then proceeded to reply almost arrogantly.
I had it by then and was a put on the defensive, having to say I had not asked about his dating situation, it was volunteered to me. (Of course he makes fun saying I should of asked him and so who is the girl?)
I told him it was not my business anyway as we were not together and all I had ever inquired about was his physical well being, due to his drug issues, driving wrecklessly, etc.
Then wrote that why worry, like John Gotti (crime boss) shit bounced off him..that's why they called him the Teflon God.
No reply and it was not read. That night my phone rang. I did not answer, it was late and I was mad.
Next morning, I noticed my fb message had been read. No reply that day or the next. So I blocked him again. I made it through the wknd, then unblocked to see if he would at least answer. Nope.
After a couple days, I wrote : You said to believe nothing that you hear and half of what you see. Well, that is not the case with me. I was and still remained honest with you from the start. Problem is, I expect that from others.
I hope one day you value something besides money (could have inserted power and drugs here as well) .
Take care.
It was read the next morning. No reply.
Sooo either he is getting his rocks off by negative attention or? Maybe someone else is reading it, ie a friend or gf hence lack of reply?
Or he is thinking his silence will pressure me somehow?
I would almost prefer him blowing up at me then cold shoulder crap.
I guess I am the crazy one? :/
I felt like he was not taking me seriously so I was rather curt with him.
He then proceeded to reply almost arrogantly.
I had it by then and was a put on the defensive, having to say I had not asked about his dating situation, it was volunteered to me. (Of course he makes fun saying I should of asked him and so who is the girl?)
I told him it was not my business anyway as we were not together and all I had ever inquired about was his physical well being, due to his drug issues, driving wrecklessly, etc.
Then wrote that why worry, like John Gotti (crime boss) shit bounced off him..that's why they called him the Teflon God.
No reply and it was not read. That night my phone rang. I did not answer, it was late and I was mad.
Next morning, I noticed my fb message had been read. No reply that day or the next. So I blocked him again. I made it through the wknd, then unblocked to see if he would at least answer. Nope.
After a couple days, I wrote : You said to believe nothing that you hear and half of what you see. Well, that is not the case with me. I was and still remained honest with you from the start. Problem is, I expect that from others.
I hope one day you value something besides money (could have inserted power and drugs here as well) .
Take care.
It was read the next morning. No reply.
Sooo either he is getting his rocks off by negative attention or? Maybe someone else is reading it, ie a friend or gf hence lack of reply?
Or he is thinking his silence will pressure me somehow?
I would almost prefer him blowing up at me then cold shoulder crap.
I guess I am the crazy one? :/
Psycho!!!!!
That's why no contact really is best. No game playing.
Also, I think that you are WAY smarter than your ex and you give him too much credit for trying to think things through. I know that mine really only thinks about number one...and that is himself.
Is it what drew you to him in the first place?
If I continue on with my relationship, and keep breaking up and making up..that is me just giving in. Abusers have that edge as you call it. I think it's up to us to do what you have done and recognize how you feel, then probably avoid the situation. But I do understand the temptation to see what they are up to. Only recently have I not cared about my abusers google account. (Which I found out he was doing some stuff behind my back..but don't want to hijack ur post).
Find a counselor that deals with domestic violence issues. They will help you make a total break and finally find peace.
Take YOUR control by going NC and sticking to it.
Remind yourself how strong you are, for getting as far as you have. NC is really difficult, I'm in the midst of it too. But in the short and long run, it's the better thing for healing. Stay strong, when thoughts stray towards him or conversations or memories, be focused and work to distract yourself. I hope the weekend gets better for you. keeping you in my prayers, take care
only to come back again and try one more time...
A normal person responds when a question is asked of them, or someone sends them something. But an abuser is not interested in reciprocation; they are only interested in getting you entangled so they can mess with you. They like seeing you asking for their attention again and again.
The only way to avoid this happening is not to allow any contact at all. It`s hard, but it is the only way to not feed his desire to cause drama. That`s what he gets every time he gets to tick you off with a non-response - a hit of drama.
Take care of yourself and huge hugs xxx