Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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sleepykitten 12/23/2009

My Father has abused me emotionally (and once sexually) from a very early age. He has a very bad drinking problem, and a lot of issues from his own past which he has never sought help for.
Every christmas, birthday or fashion show (Important to me) he has ruined by not being there, or being awful to me when he is there.
Recently I got some extra help with uni because its been recognised I can't work to the same level as other people because of my mental health problems and 'abusive past'.
I feel like he's ruined my life. As I self harmed as a child (10 to 17) I think thats proportionatly my parents responsibility, even though I take responsibility for my actions now. I feel like I'm lucky to still be alive, that I never managed to kill myself.
I feel like they don't deserve to have a daughter at all.
So this christmas I have decided to spend away from my family. My dad went off on one after a big binge last night and my mom gave me NO support when I was crying, she completely sided with him. I spent about three hours on the phone to my boyfriend, crying, trying not to hurt myself- while my parents were watching TV down stairs. So I decided to tell my parents, they are not my family, my boyfriend is my family and i am spending christmas with him.
Has anybody ever disowned their parents before? has it been ok? Do you think I'm making a good decision by doing this?
I've told them how I feel and have given him so many 'last chances' ever since I was 18. He never changes so surely he cant value me at all?
I've never felt so angry. Am I doing the right thing?

deleted_user 12/23/2009

Do whatever you feel is in your best interests. My father is dead. My mother was my worst critic. I have had nothing to do with her in years and feel so much better for it. I came to the conclusion, she would never change and she was just too toxic to have in my life ... at all. For me, this was a drastic move, I mean, you're supposed to have a good relationship with your family aren't you? Well, I tried that for years, to no avail and it didn't work no matter how hard I tried. I can't say breaking away, initally, was very easy. I had all kinds of tapes in my head about what I should and should not be doing. But, looking back, for me, it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

deleted_user 12/23/2009

My parents are both very toxic. I have a hard time understanding how a parent can seemingly not love their own child, mine don't act as if they love me and it's difficult. I have heard of many people in this situation cutting off all ties to their parents and no-one seemed to regret the decision. If they have made you feel so depressed that you've thought of suicide, then I would say you should not be around them.

deleted_user 12/23/2009

I've cut off my Dad recently after he ruined my life as a child both physically and emotionally. He's never been a good father to me and like you said, I've given him so many, too many 'last chances'. Some people do not change. No matter how many chances you give them or how many times you think 'but he's my Dad' most often a leopard doesn't change its spots. I've had to move on too and realise that he's never going to be what I want him to be. Your boyfriend is your future, you're right, as is my fiancee who I'm spending Christmas with this year. He's my family and he is MY second chance at happiness. Spend Christmas with your future, not your past. You won't regret it. Protect your heart and your emotional well-beign above all else. If your parents treat you that badly, you owe them nothing. (((Hugs)))

deleted_user 12/23/2009

i have cut certain people out of my life also. i ask myself are they good for me or bad for me. it is very hard to step away from some toxic people,

deleted_user 12/23/2009

Hi Sleepy! I have cut out my alcoholic family too. Just decided in July that anyone, incl family, in my life had to treat me 100% of the time with love and respect, and if they wre not willing to do that..... then I am taking a temporary break in the relationship until they choose to treat me that way. Giant hugs to you from OKC! Cindi

deleted_user 12/23/2009

If you are doing this to create a healthy life for yourself, you are absolutely doing the right thing.
I know it's very painful to finally come to the conclusion that they will never change or ask for our forgiveness.
You are doing what is best for you and cutting the toxic people out of your life.
You are not responsible for them and not to blame for any of their misery.

You take good care of you.

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