Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So Ivd been very sick w a real bad sinus infection since wed night. Thurs night I initiated a talk w my husband and we laughed, cried and I told him I spoke to and actually retained an atty that day. He then told me he is scared this is where we're headed and he also talked to an atty.
Since then he's been stepping up to the plate, taking care of morning and bedtime routines so I can rest. He took the girls out all day yesterday running errands and again today to church and more errands. He's offered to make me hot tea, etc. we've been talking amicably in front of the kids too. He'll hug me when he leaves but it feels so forced - but then it usually does, bc he's never been a hugger.
I'm so mopey. I find myself clenching my jaw, not smiling - except when the girls are around, and just incredibly, overwhelmingly confused, lost and sad. I'm thinking, IF he keeps this up, I would be happier. IF I'm happier, I may let the walls come down slowly, maybe take him up on his offer for just the 2 of us to go out for coffee.
Is he doing this bc if his IC, self help reading, meditation? Is it real? Or is he panicking bc he knows I retained an atty.
He Says he loves me and wants to stay together as a family but does he have those loving feelings for me? Is he capable of those deep feelings that I want/need?
I'm trying to do what my IC suggests - stop over thinking, stop the rambling racing thoughts in my head and stay in the NOW. Turn inward and go by my feelings. Get in tuned w my feelings. And instead of racing thoughts, just use my thoughts when it comes to my top 5. The top 5 things I'd need in a partner - and dont just allow my mind to wander to the past, or make "mind movies" of the future what ifs... It's very hard to do btw.
I'm just so BLAH. I. Hate. This.
Sometimes I just want to say - ok. We've talked things to death. We're both in IC. He's realizing his poor characteristics that are filled w negativity and have been killing my spirit, self esteem and happiness. Lets start fresh. Give it another shot. We have hit absolute rock bottom, so we can only go up, right?
I just don't know.
Since then he's been stepping up to the plate, taking care of morning and bedtime routines so I can rest. He took the girls out all day yesterday running errands and again today to church and more errands. He's offered to make me hot tea, etc. we've been talking amicably in front of the kids too. He'll hug me when he leaves but it feels so forced - but then it usually does, bc he's never been a hugger.
I'm so mopey. I find myself clenching my jaw, not smiling - except when the girls are around, and just incredibly, overwhelmingly confused, lost and sad. I'm thinking, IF he keeps this up, I would be happier. IF I'm happier, I may let the walls come down slowly, maybe take him up on his offer for just the 2 of us to go out for coffee.
Is he doing this bc if his IC, self help reading, meditation? Is it real? Or is he panicking bc he knows I retained an atty.
He Says he loves me and wants to stay together as a family but does he have those loving feelings for me? Is he capable of those deep feelings that I want/need?
I'm trying to do what my IC suggests - stop over thinking, stop the rambling racing thoughts in my head and stay in the NOW. Turn inward and go by my feelings. Get in tuned w my feelings. And instead of racing thoughts, just use my thoughts when it comes to my top 5. The top 5 things I'd need in a partner - and dont just allow my mind to wander to the past, or make "mind movies" of the future what ifs... It's very hard to do btw.
I'm just so BLAH. I. Hate. This.
Sometimes I just want to say - ok. We've talked things to death. We're both in IC. He's realizing his poor characteristics that are filled w negativity and have been killing my spirit, self esteem and happiness. Lets start fresh. Give it another shot. We have hit absolute rock bottom, so we can only go up, right?
I just don't know.
Ilene - I thank you for your input. It is worth A LOT to me. I can't even imagine telling him to let's officially separate and move out for 18 months. After he was all nice for just this weekend he asked if he could come back upstairs. I was distant again this morning after saying - I don't know, I MAY consider MC. He asked if something happened since last nite and I said no. It's just that I've come so far in my feelings and months of coming to the decision to divorce - I can't just flop back. He backed off.
Vern - it was convenient. It was tough for him to take both kids on all the errands but he made it seem like he should and could do it.
I'm just tired of the state we're in and frankly I'm out of steam.
Giggle - ive been thinking about you. Definitely go to a place with free wifi like Vern says. Starbucks offers it too. Stay well and keep in touch.
Hugs,