Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So i got my hair blown out today for 20 dollars. I make 300 every 2 weeks and he makes 600 every WEEK. We were going to eat and he was going to pay. I paid an extra 5 for hot oil in my hair and told him so he said "oh, well I guess drinks on u then" I confronted him about this and said "i would never ask but since you can afford to spend the money to pamper yourself you can help me." Now, knowing what I make and that I really don't have a lot of money to throw around, I found this odd. He mentioned the extra 5 I spent on hot oil could have gone towards a drink for him. I said "if you can't afford 5 dollars, you shouldn't offer to go out (dinner AND atlantic city for the weekend was his idea) he said "No, because you get your hair blown out, plus your oilmassageevery week, and I'd like some financial help from you for our outtings Especially since I'll be doing most of it with AC this weekend..If youre broke, but have money to pamper yourself, it would be nice to receive some help here and there from you. Not asking a lot, here" I told him I can't afford AC he still insists on going cause his cousin is. I alwayssss help out when we go out. I'll put money in if were out for maybe drinks or food and vice versa. He's saying that he recognizes that I do this for him and this has nothing to do with that and he doesn't spend money on just himself but he always spends it on US and I like to just spend it on myself. He said im getting insulted at a simple request and making a big deal. He then took back saying that he only spends on us and not himself and said I was just confusing him and manipulating him so he said something mean. He says a bf should ask a gf for help and vice versa and I shouldn't be insulted that he mentioned giving me just 5 dollars and when i said we shouldn't go if u don't have 5 dollars so he said he has money but he could use the extra if I could help him since little things like 5 dollars could add up. I assumed u had it so I asked cause yea it could help. Sorry for the rambling, I tried to explain it the best I could. He then, with no regard for my opinion or how I felt, said he was coming to my house to tlk to me, didn't care what I said, and showed up. Then started tlking about how if my family and friends hate him how are we going yo have a relationship and I made everyone hate him etc. Meanwhile its just because they see what they see. We ended up eating anyway tonight because I gave in and me paid and wouldn't let me. I kept telling him I'm sending him the money thru chase and he still kept refusing.
It's not about the money, it's about having you feel less than, it's also about having you feel guilty if you ever do anything nice for yourself. Is it really true that he spends nothing on himself? I very much doubt it (for a start, you already said the money he wants to spend on Atlantic City isn't for you both, but because he wants to go because his cousin is). So that's an outright lie for starters. Then to ignore your requests and turn up at your house anyway is trampling on your boundaries. And then to refuse the money after making such a big deal about $5 (and it was HIM making a big deal of $5, not you), well that's just more manipulation and mind f*ckery.
I wish you the best.
Other red flags are him criticizing you and him telling you how and when you should spend your money as opposed to you both having a rational discussion and coming to a mutually agreed upon decision as to who pays for what and when.
You ended your last
reply with:
Manipulative words are to hard for me to handle being so codependent
This is obviously very true.
Are you engaged in any kind
of counseling or therapy?
If not, then I'd urge you
to consider finding a
qualified therapist
and engaging in
the work to move
toward being
less codependent
and less susceptible
to manipulative,
controlling abuse.