Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I don't know where to start. So much has been going on. I'm feeling incredibly sad and deflated. I've posted in the depression group because I've been feeling so very low lately.
My stbx is still living at home. In-house separated since October. The 3 month waiting period was up 8/26, we both have taken the requested parenting classes, all of our paperwork has been submitted to our attys, who then submitted to the courts. I thought we'd be soon scheduling our first 4-way mtg with us and our attys. I find out that first mtg has been scheduled for 11/5! I called my atty, near tears, asking why so far out?! The next 2 months we'll have to live like this limbo before even starting proceedings?? Then we'd end up living through another round of holidays?? I was devastated. They said they'll try and push it up to 10/1.
In the meantime, I'm growing increasingly upset about the whole situation. My girls didn't ask for this. L is only 3 and we've been doing things separately for almost a year now she's used to this as the "norm". But it's not fair. My oldest is is therapy and internalizes her feelings and I'm not exactly sure how she's coping. I am mentally exhausted and confused putting on a happy face during this time... I can only imagine how confusing it must be for her. We talked back in May abt her father and I divorcing and yet he's still here. I'm sure it's sending her mixed signals??
My stbx and I are trying to come to an agreement prior to mtg w attys about the custody. I feel alternate weekends Friday - Sunday night and one night for dinner during week is best for the girls. He wants 2 nights during week and alternate weekends be Friday - Monday. They are 9 and 3. I think school nights need to be here with me. But now I'm second guessing my thoughts again :( I'm losing my strength and confidence.
On top of all this, I am realizing my mom is treating me so poorly. She is very similar to my stbx. She is passive / aggressive with me and puts me down with guilt and by using the girls. And it's crippling me. Every time I feel I am getting stronger and move one step forward, she sends me 5 steps back :(
I actually started feeling like - well, it must be me - I am the common denominator with my stbx and my mom. They both try and control me, isolate me from my friends, put down any decision I make on my own, twist things to make me seem selfish... How much can I take?
It must be me :(
I'm thinking of calling off the divorce and just staying. Obviously, I haven't been making good decisions, right? So maybe the decision to divorce is wrong. Maybe I AM selfish. Maybe i expect too much.
I am so very sad and confused.
My stbx is still living at home. In-house separated since October. The 3 month waiting period was up 8/26, we both have taken the requested parenting classes, all of our paperwork has been submitted to our attys, who then submitted to the courts. I thought we'd be soon scheduling our first 4-way mtg with us and our attys. I find out that first mtg has been scheduled for 11/5! I called my atty, near tears, asking why so far out?! The next 2 months we'll have to live like this limbo before even starting proceedings?? Then we'd end up living through another round of holidays?? I was devastated. They said they'll try and push it up to 10/1.
In the meantime, I'm growing increasingly upset about the whole situation. My girls didn't ask for this. L is only 3 and we've been doing things separately for almost a year now she's used to this as the "norm". But it's not fair. My oldest is is therapy and internalizes her feelings and I'm not exactly sure how she's coping. I am mentally exhausted and confused putting on a happy face during this time... I can only imagine how confusing it must be for her. We talked back in May abt her father and I divorcing and yet he's still here. I'm sure it's sending her mixed signals??
My stbx and I are trying to come to an agreement prior to mtg w attys about the custody. I feel alternate weekends Friday - Sunday night and one night for dinner during week is best for the girls. He wants 2 nights during week and alternate weekends be Friday - Monday. They are 9 and 3. I think school nights need to be here with me. But now I'm second guessing my thoughts again :( I'm losing my strength and confidence.
On top of all this, I am realizing my mom is treating me so poorly. She is very similar to my stbx. She is passive / aggressive with me and puts me down with guilt and by using the girls. And it's crippling me. Every time I feel I am getting stronger and move one step forward, she sends me 5 steps back :(
I actually started feeling like - well, it must be me - I am the common denominator with my stbx and my mom. They both try and control me, isolate me from my friends, put down any decision I make on my own, twist things to make me seem selfish... How much can I take?
It must be me :(
I'm thinking of calling off the divorce and just staying. Obviously, I haven't been making good decisions, right? So maybe the decision to divorce is wrong. Maybe I AM selfish. Maybe i expect too much.
I am so very sad and confused.
Big giant hugs
I also went for my routine thyroid checkup and was told to stop losing weight - not that Im trying, but I've lost 9 lbs - but now my levels are off and he had to reduce my doses of synthroid. I asked him to please Not do that because I am exhausted as it is! But he said thats because I'm burning the candle at both ends, I'm under a lot of stress, and not eating/sleeping right. He said the meds will start eating away at my bones if the doses are too high. So he lowered them. Told me to start taking B-Comlex vitamins because they help restore what your body loses while under stress. He also said I need to start taking 1K mg of Vit D and to take time for myself.self-care.that definitely rings a bell :)
My point of this is - these situations of divorcing, compounded by divorcing an abusive person, can have a profound effect on us - our minds, bodies, and not to mention our souls.
Him being nice these last few days just messes with my mind so i try to avoid and not engage in conversations as much as humanly possible.
Sending strength to those who need it and hope to get some back in return :)