Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I was just wondering what books anyone would remmomend on getting over this emotional abuse. I could really use a good book, that is empowering. I need some help to be strong.
Patricia Evan's "Verbal Abuse Victims Speak Out" was the first one I read. It was able to make me see that what I suffered REALLY was abuse, and I was not just using abuse as a convenient scapegoat. Dr. Susan Forward's book "Men Who Hate Women and the WOmen Who Love Them" was equally important in putting a name on his behavior -i.e. narcicissm and allowing me to understand what he did and why he did it.
We each heal by our own methods. For me, knowledge is the power that I needed to effect healing. If you are not in therapy, a few sessions would probably be helpful. Ask your therapist also to recommend some good reading material, as (s)he might have a better handle on things that YOU need to help you heal.
At first, I read everything I could on anger, but they always skirted around what I was experiencing. I kept trying to force my own behavior into things that might threaten him and make him angry. This obviously did not work, since abuse is all about control, and not anger. Once I drew that distinction, I was able to focus on resources specific to abuse, which really helped.
One word about anger management - it often results in a blame-game. Yes his anger response is inapropriate, but the anger response per se IS the problem, not the behavior that results from it. BIG difference. If you look at it strictly from an anger point of view, it is easy to fall into the trap that YOU are at fault for making him angry. That is simply NOT the case. He uses an anger response (not anger itself) to get what he wants - which is power and control.
I agree, revpatty. Angel32, I'm reading a book right now called The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond by Patricia Evans. I was hesitatant at first because I thought "how can a book help me deal with all this pain and how can it help me get the validation I need?" But, it works. It really does and it's been the best money I've spent so far. It's amazing to see how "textbook" all of these people/abusers are. It's almost like one is no different from the rest. It truly is helping me and I highly recommend it. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/104-5222218-2696745?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=the+verbally+abusive+relationship That's the link for amazon.com and there are other websites that it's on, as well. Check it out, if you can. It really is helping me. Let us know what you think! I was actually going to recommend this in my response to your journal entry but I didn't want to be too foward!
revpatty is right also in saying that it's easy to fall into that trap of thinking that it's your fault. I'm still struggling with that notion and this book is really helping to pull me out of there.
--Michi
Also you could do lots of Google searches, trying different entries, eg, "books on abuse". Or go to Amazon.com and select "books" and put in such things as "abuse".
That will keep you busy for a while :-) . Keep reading and take what you want and read the rest.
The Patricia Evans' "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" is an excellent start. Later you may like to read other books. Each has something different to offer. Patricia Evans is a journalist but does a great job at spelling out what is going on in an abusive relationship. I liked Beverly Engels' books particularly. She is a therapist and was an abused child, etc.