Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Reacting

Loved1
Loved1
I got defensive and verbally attacked the verbal abuser, getting caught up in the game. It hurts to let myself get angry and yell. I can't change him (dad), yet in engaging, I become part of the problem. Next time I want to walk away so I am not left feeling to blame with having said mean things. It's so hurtful to have an abusive dad. He won't change. I can't change him. I can't make him "see" it and stop it, that is getting caught up in the cycle of abuse. I can't take the blame, though he'll try to blame whoever is in his way. All I can do is detach and try to do something nice for myself, because he can't be nice to me - he's emotionally abusive and doesn't see it, won't see it, and me calling him on it is not part of the solution, it just drags me into the problem by engaging in a battle with a mean person who only seeks to have power over others, he is not seeking resolution, he wants the conflict, the battle.
Tamehau
Tamehau
I have always said, he who angers you controls you. I think that you take his control when you remain calm. I just say "Stop", "I don't like that" and disengage. Cause if you tell them why to want them to STOP or what you DO NOT LIKE, they will use it against you. Just treat him like he is reading you your miranda rights, in pink shorts with a black bra on and a donkey tale for his a$$. Maybe you will be able to disengage in a new light.
happiness09
happiness09
In my experience abusive people adore personal battles and have to win at all costs, so they degrade and belittle and stoop as low as they can just to feel victorious in winning a battle.
They are all pathetic little kids who've never grown up.
deleted_user
deleted_user
yes these type of abusers live for our reactions - i find this especially true in any emotional abuse whether covert or overt - they want a reaction any reaction and often when you start not reacting you will be blamed for walking away on them ignoring them anything but just keep disengaging - these type of abusers lose their power when we refuse to react - they want to see you angry hurt crying screaming - they want you to lose control of your emotions so they can sit back and say look how well i control my emotions - these emotional abusers are the ones that scare me the most having grown up with an emotionally abusive father and finally getting out of the gaslighting emotional/psychological abusive relationship with my ex bf - its a rollercoaster ride - react and they have you beating yourself up for reacting dont react and its still my fault - they love the catch 22 they out your emotions into - my ex bf was much more subtle at it ... but persist in not reacting they eventually lose power over you when you continue to not react and when they realize you will no longer react they will look elsewhere for a new victim - nothing scares emotional abusers more than them knowing that you understand their games and dont tell them instead you show it in actions by not reacting - the emotional abuser needs our emotions to feed off as they are so cold and empty inside and afraid to look inside themselves - stay strong everyone and keep not reacting ... oops sorry if i babbled on a bit - i can just see how persistance and patience paid off in scaring my ex bf by not reacting anymore and he knew i could see thru the person he was pretending to be ... thanks jd :-)
Loved1
Loved1
Thanks so much for the helpful replies.
I guess I realized so much, so sadly, how it was like he had this expression like he'd "won", seeing me so pitiful at the end of the day, how I felt so ashamed to get angry and criticize him, getting caught up in his abusive game by reacting, when he had and has no idea how he comes across or of his own poisonous feelings and words. I'm pretty much ignoring him.