Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Reached out to his ex.

jstanicegirl
jstanicegirl
I reached out to his ex. I had wanted to do this for some time now. I wanted to know if his claims of it being me were true. She was very gracious thankfully. Offered to answer any questions and help in any way she could. She was portrayed to me as a monster. As jealous and vindictive because she loved him more than he did her. Our stories are almost identical. It is positive and negative. Someone saying NO IT IS NOT YOU HE DID THIS TO ME is what I needed. And there are other exes and I am sure those stories are the same as well It will not change, this is his MO. The hard part is also the realization that this man who I thought was a dream was lying to me all along. I was never special to him. There was no love.
disi2222
disi2222
Hi, your story sounds very familiar only that I am now the crazy ex portrayed to his current girlfriend. Abusers have a pattern. I hope it put your mind to rest just enough to focus on you.
jstanicegirl
jstanicegirl
It did for the most part. I am sure I will assume the role as crazy ex to the next..if I am not already being portrayed that way to someone. If she ever needs help or validation..I will gladly be there.
disi2222
disi2222
That is very important, that you are willing to be there for someone. Just a reminder for myself mostly that we need to heal ourselves first.
I know that predatory pattern very well. I could not care less what he says about me anymore. Creepy psychopathic liar.
Livndadrem
Livndadrem
I totally get the double edged sword of this one. Yes, it's incredibly hard to know that he never loved you, that it was all smoke and mirrors all along. But focus on the freedom part. It's also incredibly freeing to know that there is nothing you could have done, no way in which you could have been "better", which would have meant he "continued" to love you and treated you right. All the reasons he has given to justify his treatment of you are just more smoke and mirrors. He didn't do this to you because of any flaw or failing of yours, but because he is himself deeply flawed.

Hang on to that positive, even through the entirely understandable sadness.
DeliAnnem
DeliAnnem
I get Sooooo curious at times when I think of my ex. I wonder if I was ever the "crazy women" portrayed to his new victims. I also wonder if his former exes and I could even get together to swap notes. Like an "Ex Wives Club" on LSD.

Hugs
daydreamer73
daydreamer73
I've thought about contacting H's ex, who he told me was crazy and would yell at him for hours on end. I'm curious to talk with her, they also split up after 10 years.
Scarclan
Scarclan
I admire you for doing this and I'm glad she was responsive. I think it should be considered a red flag whenever someone goes overboard bashing their ex verbally and/or treats them poorly (i.e. while still sharing the parenting role).