That's what abusers do....they suck the energy out of their sources. That's what keeps the source from leaving. You & your son are his sources. I wouldn't be surprised if, once away from the abuser, your son stopped getting sick so often. Experts say that stress is responsible for 85% of all illnesses. I can't think of anything more stressful to a child than an abusive adult,

Please stop using any more of your precious energy hating yourself for being there & putting up w/him. Please take you and your son to the nearest women's shelter.

Once you're out, you will be amazed to find your energy returning.

Thank you my true colors, I hope your right about the energy thing cuz I haven't had any in the past five years and that is what kills me, it feels like i'm to lazy to save us, when I would give anything to be able and up and walk out!

I know racer, I felt that way for over 3 decades. It's so much better once we're out. It takes a little while for the body & psyche to heal, but it can't until we're out of the toxic environment.

Please don't beat yourself up over not leaving. You're not lazy. Have you talked w/your local women's shelter? They can help you with a plan to leave and maybe even help you do it. The shelter where I live will help the client make a safe plan to leave & then go get them & their children when its time to leave & bring them to the shelter.

You don't have to do this alone.

((((((((((racer)))))))))))))

I agree with the part about sucking energy out of their "source"

I just read this great book it's called. "Coping with infuriating, mean critical people " by NIna W. Brown.

The situation still sucks, but I DO feel a bit better.

It really does stink when you're in the eye of the storm. The only way you'll feel better and start healing is if you leave him. I know you're probably tired of hearing that, but it's the truth. You'll leave when you tired of being tired. In the meantime, use this time to come up with a plan to leave and to start getting your ducks in a row. I know some days you probably don't even want to get out of bed, you're so depressed and drained. But, you've got to find it in yourself to fight. Fight for yourself and your kids. Fight for freedom from abuse. It also helps to join a support group if you can. That way, you can talk to others in a similar situation. That way, you can be inspired and see that there is a better life for you free from abuse. Best wishes.

I agree with swampkitty. Start making plans. Call a shelter and find out what services exist that can help. Look for support. There are family services in some places that provide low cost counselling. That could help. The only thing I would add is, tell your family doctor. The dr might be able to help you and your son through the stress. Mine saved my life!

It's so hard living like this. I've got a very similar story. It is really hard to get free. But I know something better is waiting for both of us. We just have to do what we need to do. Stay strong (you are strong)! L4S

I also agree with the other posted. Abusers are like energy vampires! I think I started a thread awhile ago about how exhausted I would be whenever my H would be at the house. I think just the mental draining of trying to understand all the BS and circular talk did me in...but as soon as he walked out that door I was feeling much better.

Make a plan or at least start thinking of a plan. Take it bit by bit. What would it take for you to leave? What things do you need to take with you. Plan - I know it's not easy.

Peace to you,

Seawee

You don't have to walk out if you are not up to it. But maybe take steps. Each time you think a thought he's not privy to, make a plan, take a little step, you will grow in strength. Sometimes, the big picture is just too much to handle, so break it down to manageable pieces.

I don't understand why you are still there? If you stay your son is going to grow up sick in other ways than just physically. This is affecting your son's emotional well being. I would divorce and leave. You refer to your husband as an ass. Leave him? There is obviously no love you have for him and how could you love an ass?
If you stay in this relationship as your son grows up he will begin to exhibit all kinds of emotional behavioral problems due to a sick environment.

I dont know why they raise all hell then act like nothing happened like we dont have feelings or emotions. I'm sorry that happened to your son its like he is being emotionally abusive not just to you but to your son too and I think you should really think about if this is the life you want your son to have. ??? Poor little guy!

I hope things get better, but in an abusive relationship they never do. Sorry but they get worse. It's ultimately your decision to stay or go. we can only be of support in what ever decision you make. I have to say it though, its been many years you have been with this man? He hasn't improved, and you haven't grown any either? Your son seems anxious, depressed, and ill most of the time? If I am right he has seperation anxiety from you also? because he doesn't want to be left with his "monster"?
I just guessing because that is the way my daughter was she was only an infant. in daycare, barely 3 months old. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was the matter with her. I tried everything, from leaving here at home with grandma for 2 hrs in the evening, to bottle feeding her only. all of it didn't make sense, she never wanted to be at home with her dad, and would grab my leg and wouldn't let go of it. I would have to tear myself away from all 3 of my children just to get a much needed break. I was only allowed to go to church alone, never out with friends, never out alone, always and only church.
there was so much more to my story, but by the time she was 4.5 I had to leave him. He ended up going to prison and I raised all 3 of my children with a lil help from my aunt. I should say she helped me a lot. I wouldn't have made it with out her or my oldest daughter. They were tremendous help to me and still are.
For your childs sake I would say find a way to leave. Start by contacting a friend. see if she can come help you pack a little bit of things while he is away. With your amount of energy, I would say just a couple of changes, because you wont have very much energy to take care of more than that for a couple days. Even though you will probably be unconcious for a few days. See if you can leave your child with a trusted friend for a couple days so you can recooperate, (sleep), that is what I mean by unconcious. Sorry I just remember how it was when I left. I should have gotten a babysitter for a few days, but couldn't bear to be without my children, cuz at that moment they were my life. I hope you get all the help you need.
I am very sorry that you have to go through all of this.
Take care, and keep in contact with all of these ladies they are very helpful and full of support. I am so glad I have come here.
I still have a long long way to go, but am very glad these ladies give me support.
luv n ((hugs))

I just wanted to say thank you for everyone who responded, it is obvious that you guys actually care about what happens to me and my son. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am getting there, and i know i can do this, i have to do this for my sanity and my son's welfare. One step at a time, I will keep moving forward.