Sounds like a very good plan!

Rad, hope you're doing ok tonight

I'm with you. I follow. I am right there too.
For me, I feel like I need to replace the obsession with something more positive like building community support and other relationships that are more fruitful (and far better) than the abuser could ever provide.
I have no control over my automatic first thought. But I've been told we choose our second thought. We can choose to change how we respond to the triggering.
The truth is, for me, and sounds like you too, the only way out is through. I believe the answers are already inside of us. Like reaching out for support here.

Just keep coming back here any time you feel like you want to reach out to him. Put your phone away, find a good book to read, or go for a walk, practice self care! Watch a marathon of ridiculous movies with your son.

You deserve better than wasting your time on this jerk.

You can do it Radrm. This is a good reminder to focus on yourself...our lives are better no matter what and they will continue to get better because we are survivors, we are the phoenix that rises from the ashes!

Let's take the first step to get up and do something anything...for ourselves today. Just for today.

((hugs))

P.S. What an awesome son!!

Hope you are doing okay.

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. Sounds like you are getting better though focusing on yourself! Can you block him from your phone or tell him not to contact you/ restraining order maybe? i really don't see how him contacting you is helping at all. You don't want to ever go back. You're son doesn't want you to ever go back. Him contacting you only upsets you. Why put yourself through so much? It is just draining you when you are doing so well! You are doing great!

radrm you have gotten so much good advice here, especially about building up your own self esteem and confidence. recently i heard about an exercise that i have found helpful, which is to write a love letter to yourself every day, and keep on doing it until you believe it. here's mine today:

dear vernacular,
you are amazing. i love how well you handled your annoying relatives during the holidays. in a sea of jackassery, you are a beacon of beauty and truth, and look sexy as hell doing it. i love you more than chocolate pudding, and i LOVE chocolate pudding.
love, vernacular.

i feel like you are focusing so hard on being on the defensive that you are forgetting your powerful offensive. you are fighting a war, not hiding behind the couch hoping no one will notice you. don't deny your anger, use it for fuel! don't pray for strength to survive the passing minutes, rejoice in the accumulation in time spent on yourself and with your son uninterrupted by abuse!

if you can't straight up block his texts read them out loud in the most mocking sarcastic tone you can muster "oooooo i NEEEEEED you it's sooooo imPORtant wah wah wah" .....sometimes you need to dodge the bullets, but sometimes you can bust out your wonderwoman wrists bands and deflect them right back down his throat, rendering them powerless.

sometimes perspective is everything.