I think you raise a very valid point here Ilene. I have struggled with this since yesterday actually. All my abusers would continually use that phrase with me, even though I think I realise then, and definitely know now, that the intention was not to be jokey, but to be hurtful and cruel. However, I'm sure the intention of these radio presenters was just that, as a practical joke. Practical jokes, by their very nature, are to have fun at the expense of others. Is was a particularly cruel 'practical joke' with the most awful consequences. This poor woman has paid just a terrible price for the purposes of entertainment.

I am split around the issues within this incident though. Are practical jokes wrong? My own feelings are, these jokes are best carried out with friends who we know, and who we feel sure would 'get it' and appreciate that it wasn't a vindictive act. I do enjoy a practical joke, even at my own expense. They can be a lot of fun. However, I'm not sure that, certainly within the time frame of the last 2 years, I could have handled anyone playing this on me, especially one that caused so much humiliation, world wide.

My point, I suppose is, is this an act of abuse, or an act of thoughtlessness? The radio station obviously had no idea of the risk associated with such a 'joke', and possibly, had it been someone else who took the call, maybe the outcome would have been different.

My own personal opinion is that I don't like these types of radio shows, we have them here in the UK. I don't listen to them. My son does though, and he will often share stories with me where the victim of said joke thinks its all very amusing, is happy for it to go out on air etc.

So should such shows be banned altogether or should they at least be risk assessed and then, before airing the outcome be checked with the participants for agreement to air? Probably

I used to work at a Roman Catholic church. One would expect that to be a place where people's feelings matter. NO WAY!!
This was the constant comment when the abusers said rude nasty things.

I am actually split around this one too, Ilene,
I think it is all a horrible, but coming from deep inside knows those idiots were wrong, but, there is so much going on of this nature in the world, especially with stars and Royals that I think the nurse should have been a little more on guard.
That information is totally confidential and on the phone people can say they are anybody. I think at some point people have to man up and take some of the responsibility for their own actions. I think the nurse should have handed the phone to a supervisor, and not taken it upon herself to give out that information on the phone, no matter what was said. I really think the whole thing is tragic, and hopefully those idiots will be punished. I do think a little part of the blame was the nurse's, but I certainly don't think she should have taken her life over it.

Too late, now.

Thank you for posting this for topic of discussion, Ilene, as i, too, have thought of this story a lot since reading of it yesterday...

I have had to deal with more 'abusers' than i care to mention, but i consider myself to be a bit of an expert as i am now in my 50th yr. and still survive...free and independent.

It has been my experience that most all of them, when confronted, fall back on the lines..."it was just a joke"...or "i was only joking" or "lighten up"...

It's just a verbal form of slithering away from confrontation of the truth, and more mindfuckery.

Most "practical jokes" are just backhanded acts of cruelty, and NOT 'fun' or 'funny'..., and i would hope that those posting on an 'abuse' site would realize that more...

GL!

I can just imagine that Gem, "Just a moment your Majesty, [I don't trust you so] I'm going to pass you on to my supervisor."

For those of us who are cynical and untrusting thanks to having been exposed to some of the bad crap that life has to offer, it's easy to look at someone innocent and trusting and say they should have known better.

It isn't true though. They shouldn't have known better.

Innocence and trust are normal and reasonable outcomes of being raised in an environment where people are good and loving and trustworthy. An environment where people can be taken at their face value.

In this specific circumstance, I suspect that these phone pranks are something that few in the UK would dream of doing to the royal family (who are much loved) in a time of difficulty.

This isn't the first phone prank by an Australian radio station that has hurt people. The radio stations are the ones that should know better.

I personally don't think any responsibility lies with the nurse, but, I equally don't believe that the joke was carried out with any malice. I know it has had a tragic conclusion but, Im I have carried doubt practical jokes without any malice intended. I totally get that this may have been the straw that broke the camels back for the nurse, so to speak, we don't know what her emotional and me gal state was like, and I also understand that there should have been some accountability around ensuring that this was seen as a joke by all parties. When interviewed just after the 'prank', Prin e Charles said he foun the whole,thing quite amusing. It's a very difficult area, and maybe we need to look at the intent of the act as opposed to the actual outcome, as tragic as it was. I am not minimising the effect it had on the nurse who killed herself, but had she not killed herself, it may still have been viewed as some kind of comedic jape

I know exactly what you mean, Lifebutnotasweknowit, but, If it had been me, I would not have told anyone on the phone, because that is part of my job description. I would have not wanted to be fired, so I would have called the supervisor. I would have been doing what I was supposed to do, if it was the King---oh well I was doing my job.

Maybe it is different over there. I never thought of that.

I'm living in the UK and all I can say is that the valid point was made that there is nothing wrong with innocence and trust! It's the abuse if this woman that was wrong!

Personally I don't know if I am right because I didn't know her but I think she may have had additional difficulties in her life going on at the Same time and this just tipped her over the edge, but I could very well be wrong, I guess we will never know!

There has to be a balance of humor, it's funny when people laugh with you but laughing at you is just bullying, plain and simple!

That is a horrible tragedy that never should have happened. I do not believe for a moment it was the fault of the nurse. I bet Kate and William feel bad about this

But for jokes of this nature or for any of the abuse we have experienced on our lives how often were we told they were supposed "jokes". Yeah whatever. And what does the excuse of "jokes" mean anyway!??? It still hurts the person period.

I feel so bad for that nurse and her family. Its awful!

Linda

I agree with Ilene. We are focusing on one example, but this fact should not obscure the generalization that Ilene was making that a "joke" can be very hurtful. A person can really hurt someone else by using so-called "humor" to humiliate another person. In this case, the very public nature of it really made a difference, but it could happen in a smaller family setting as well. The problem is the public humiliation. Few people can stand up well to being publicly humiliated.

Just because people laugh doesn't mean it's okay. I think people laugh because things are surprising, not because they are good, necessarily. My friend today told me she laughed when her brother told her that her dad had died. She simply didn't believe it, but it was so surprising, that she laughed. That doesn't mean the death of her dad was funny.

I watched a CNN video that stated that this nurse was known to supervisors as a very professional, excellent nurse, who took her job seriously. She was under a great deal of personal pressure because it was in the headlines around the UK that this prank occurred and that a huge screw-up happened, and she was responsible for it. I also agree that we should not blame the nurse. She was the victim of a cruel prank. The radio hosts were aware of what they were doing, and they should have thought out the consequences of what they were doing. As another example, when hazing deaths occur, we do not blame the victims of hazing for wanting to join a fraternity or for being in a group, we know that those doing the hazing should have known that their behavior was harmful.

I don't think that tricking anyone into doing anything is ever acceptable.

It's dishonest and completely unnecessary. Being funny at someone else's expense is cruel, imo.

We don't need to accept that kind of behavior in any manner whatsoever - ever.

Oh and one more thing about "It was only a joke" when someone does not want to take responsibility for what they have done.....it's the same thing as telling someone that they are too sensitive - it's BS.

This is typical of how a cruel ''joke'' can go wrong. I don't know how many times my abuser said I couldn't take a ''joke''. After the last ''joke'' I was hospitalized for a month. Some joke huh? You are so right IIene, too late now. May this victim rest in peace.

Thanks for posting this, Ilene, as it was something that troubled me when I read it. Do you think the DJs or the radio station feel horrible about this, or do you think their opinion is, "oh well, that lady was unstable anyway."?

Horrible. Very, very horrible. And you are right - this is exactly the mindset abusers take - "can't you take a joke - you need thicker skin - you aren't tough enough - don't be such a baby". My ex would say things like that to her 11-year old. Horrible.