Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Pasted in from today's
Wolf's Daily Howl
I generally concur with what Dr. Phil, Phil McGraw of t.v. fame says. But nobodys perfect. The other day he re-aired a show taped during his tenth season. And since I generally watch t.v. while doing something else, in the re-airing I caught something I may have missed the first time around.
In the episode on which Im commenting, the guests were a dating couple. The man had already been arrested for domestic violence in a now-ended marriage. Within his current relationship, hed been both verbally and physically violent, including hiding in the womans apartment and choking her.
Towards the end of the show, summarizing the issues of the relationship, Phil ran down a whole horrible list of emotional abuses that included the guy calling the woman every awful and objectionable thing, being jealous of her everyday activities, raging at her --- and on and on.
At the end of the list, Dr. Phil wrapped up saying (this is NOT an exact quote):
But none of those things bother me.
Whatever his exact words were --- I whooped in horror, hearing him summarily dismiss what we all know are blazing red flags for both emotional abuse and indicators of someone who is likely to become physically violent.
(What Dr. Phil called out as bothering him, was the abusers physical violence. Hed stepped right over the whole list of predictors that the abuser WOULD be physically violent ---- as, indeed ---- he had a long history of being.)
Its because the so-called experts, even one whos celebrating ten years on t.v., watched by millions of people, summarily dismiss both emotional abuse and the predictors of physical violence, that we end up living with and married to abusers who destroy the quality and longevity of our lives.
Wolf's Daily Howl
I generally concur with what Dr. Phil, Phil McGraw of t.v. fame says. But nobodys perfect. The other day he re-aired a show taped during his tenth season. And since I generally watch t.v. while doing something else, in the re-airing I caught something I may have missed the first time around.
In the episode on which Im commenting, the guests were a dating couple. The man had already been arrested for domestic violence in a now-ended marriage. Within his current relationship, hed been both verbally and physically violent, including hiding in the womans apartment and choking her.
Towards the end of the show, summarizing the issues of the relationship, Phil ran down a whole horrible list of emotional abuses that included the guy calling the woman every awful and objectionable thing, being jealous of her everyday activities, raging at her --- and on and on.
At the end of the list, Dr. Phil wrapped up saying (this is NOT an exact quote):
But none of those things bother me.
Whatever his exact words were --- I whooped in horror, hearing him summarily dismiss what we all know are blazing red flags for both emotional abuse and indicators of someone who is likely to become physically violent.
(What Dr. Phil called out as bothering him, was the abusers physical violence. Hed stepped right over the whole list of predictors that the abuser WOULD be physically violent ---- as, indeed ---- he had a long history of being.)
Its because the so-called experts, even one whos celebrating ten years on t.v., watched by millions of people, summarily dismiss both emotional abuse and the predictors of physical violence, that we end up living with and married to abusers who destroy the quality and longevity of our lives.
There was ann old saying
that held true then in what
got published and still
holds true in every kind
of media.
The saying was:
If it bleeds,
it leads.
And that's how society
measures the danger
of abuse.
Maybe Dr. Phil is an emotional abuser himself, in his private life?
I think too many of us (including myelf) spend months or years in emotionally abusive situations and wind up blaming ourselves and not leaving because we don't recognize it as abuse, simply because we were never hit or punched. Dr. Phil is only perpetuating that stereotype. I wonder where he would draw the line at physical abuse? shoving? Slapping? Does the skin have to break or bruise? I am sure my ex would claim she never physically abused her son. She would claim it was "punishment" or that shoving is not abuse because it left no bruises or broken bones.
I am thinking Kevin is onto something, maybe Dr Phil was indeed an emotional abuser in his life. I am losing a lot or respect for that man.
Thanks Ilene....you got your finger on the pulse for sure...
I've seen lots of Dr Phil episodes over the years where he encourages people to work on marriages that are blatantly beyond saving and are full of abuse and infidelity. He trots out his wife as a little trophy at the end of each episode to display how devoted to him she is. It's always disgusted me; I'd be far more impressed if she was unable to attend every episode of his because she had a life of her own.
I agree Ilene, society as a whole condones emotional abuse. We are told to toughen up, that it takes two to tango and a whole lot of other stuff to diminish the abuser's responsibility and put it back on us. Judges ignore abuse, sitcoms laugh about being rude to your spouse, reality tv makes abusive jerks stars. Even funniest home videos makes people think its funny when someone gets hurt.
I'm making a couple of assumptions here but Dr Phil should be ashamed of himself if he didn't say right there on stage that she should have pressed charges when the guy choked her and he should have said that if the guy was violent to his ex wife, don't go near him with a ten foot pole. He should have told her that no one should have to put up with emotional abuse.
The show is called Jeremy kyle - he has also started doing a show in the usa - so for the simple fact most of u on here are from america i shall post this link which is just a snippet of his american show,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84g91MoIjrY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CF-bn868I08
an english one
Way to go, Dr Phil - let's see how many "volunteers" you can get killed.
Oh yeah, and it would indeed be interesting to see what his wife would say if she were able to speak openly and without any fear (I'm not saying she IS afraid, but it does make me wonder).
Glad to see you, again.
To be very clear. . . . .
Dr. Phil's position on
physical violence is
that it's a deal breaker.
My dismay was that he
totally stepped over a
laundry list of emotional
abuse.
I, too, was always disgusted
by his, "There are no victims. . ."
bunch of nonsense.
I don't know what goes on
in his private life. He has
an enormous amount of
money and politics I probably
don't agree with.
I can only base my judgement
on what I hear him say. And I
hated what he said in the show
that aired yesterday.
It's like saying. . . oh. . . so you:
urinate frequently,
are always thirsty
are unusually hungry,
have had unusual weight loss,
feel extremely tired and irritable,
have lots of infections,
have blurry vision,
have cuts and bruises that won't heal. . . .
well. . . . don't worry about any of that. . . . .
when you start passing out
and going into a coma, then
you know you're in trouble
and probably have diabetes.