Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I cannot afford therapy, so I try to work out my stuff with friends, journalling and here on DS.
I recently hit the raw nerve of all my pain and am feeling lost. They do say "Analysis Leads to Paralysis." And I have been paralyzed for a long time as I have been told that I "think too much." Perhaps I do that to anticipate & avoid any unpredictability, to try to protect myself from any potential attacks.
I have been the whipping boy of the family since I was a child (I'm now middle aged). My parents triangulated the situation long ago, favoring the other 2 sisters. I have taken the brunt of hurtful labels, crippling mixed messages, debilitating verbal and emotional abuse. I have been gas lighted my entire life -- told it's "all in my head" or "I must be imagining things." The scars are on the inside, where you can't see them.
Every aspect of my life has been affected by this. I have difficulty in my jobs (getting along with bosses, people in positions of authority, or worse: those who think they are my boss but are not). I have avoided being in an intimate relationships. I am a mess and I live in fear of confrontation and fear of authority.
I think it comes down to the power-struggles. Oh yeah, theyre the bane of my existence. They affect me in my relationships with family, with friends, with coworkers. And that is the ugly truth about me.
I dont know if theres any help for me. I need to figure out how to deal with the power-struggles. Im good at licking my wounds, but clueless as what to do with them.
Ive been controlled by people all my life. It is this or isolate. And Im coming out of isolation by being here.
I recently hit the raw nerve of all my pain and am feeling lost. They do say "Analysis Leads to Paralysis." And I have been paralyzed for a long time as I have been told that I "think too much." Perhaps I do that to anticipate & avoid any unpredictability, to try to protect myself from any potential attacks.
I have been the whipping boy of the family since I was a child (I'm now middle aged). My parents triangulated the situation long ago, favoring the other 2 sisters. I have taken the brunt of hurtful labels, crippling mixed messages, debilitating verbal and emotional abuse. I have been gas lighted my entire life -- told it's "all in my head" or "I must be imagining things." The scars are on the inside, where you can't see them.
Every aspect of my life has been affected by this. I have difficulty in my jobs (getting along with bosses, people in positions of authority, or worse: those who think they are my boss but are not). I have avoided being in an intimate relationships. I am a mess and I live in fear of confrontation and fear of authority.
I think it comes down to the power-struggles. Oh yeah, theyre the bane of my existence. They affect me in my relationships with family, with friends, with coworkers. And that is the ugly truth about me.
I dont know if theres any help for me. I need to figure out how to deal with the power-struggles. Im good at licking my wounds, but clueless as what to do with them.
Ive been controlled by people all my life. It is this or isolate. And Im coming out of isolation by being here.
You need to practice some very good self care - be gentler on yourself, treat yourself to nice things - they dont have to be expensive, or cost anything at all! Join an interest group, something where you will actually make something and improve yourself - in lots of ways. You are in a lot of pain, but there is hope for everyone to go on and live a beautiful life, free from the scars of abuse. Try Ilene's Clarifying Index Card exercise. It helps you put stuff into perspective over what exactly happened to you, help you realise that this is not your fault.
With some good care and self help, I know you can heal