Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
This is such a little thing, in light of all the other crap I (and everyone else on here!) puts up with on a daily basis, but for some reason, THIS behavior gets my heart racing and my blood boiling more than most others. I cannot even fathom why, but damn I'm sitting here shaking with irritation right now and just had to vent!
I'm off work today as Friday is ALWAYS my day off--for the past 3 years. I work weekends, and YES even I am entitled to a day off. (Although, day off is such a relative term, since this is the only day I have to do laundry, clean house, go to the dump, and do the shopping etc). Yet, every single week I go through this interrogation process of "Are you off tomorrow? What are your plans for the day?" On and on; then he calls me ALL freaking day long so I cannot possibly actually get anything done! If I don't sit on the phone with him (saying absolutely nothing most of the time, unless we have been "arguing" at which time I have to listen to the lecture about why I was so wrong and he was so right), then I don't care about him, I'm being selfish, I'm up to something, oh the list of my faults could fill an encyclopedia at this point anyway.
Now, this week he knows that I have no access to my money until my new debit card comes in. We ALREADY DISCUSSED LAST NIGHT THAT I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO THE SHOPPING, OR INDEED GO ANYWHERE BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE GAS TO DO SO! Yet, I come out of the bathroom at 7:02 AM and my phone is ringing. He is distraught because apparently he has been trying to call me and because I didn't keep my phone on me while I was taking our girls to the bus, I didn't know.
Him: 'What did you go back to sleep?"
Me: "No, I just got back from taking the girls to the bus and went to the bathroom."
Him: "Oh, why didn't you answer when I called you before?"
Me: "Ummmm....because I just got back from taking the girls to the bus and went to the bathroom."
Him: "Oh so why are you ignoring me?"
Me: "Ummmm...I wasn't ignoring you; I didn't have my phone on me and I JUST GOT BACK FROM TAKING THE GIRLS TO THE BUS AND USING THE BATHROOM."
Him: "Oh, so were you going to call me back or something?"
Me: "I would have when I realized that you had called."
Him: "So, why didn't you call me to let me know you were taking the girls to the bus and using the bathroom? And, what are you planning for today? You never tell me anything."
Me: "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were thinking anything would be different this morning from every other morning, and we discussed last night that I won't be able to do anything other than clean today because I cannot access my money."
Him: "Oh, so what are you going to do today?"
Me: I got nothing.......I really just cannot say anything.
So, anyway, this ridiculous circular conversation goes on for about 10 minutes, and now I am getting antsy. I don't feel like sitting on the phone rehashing any of what has just been said over and over and over again; and I don't understand WHY on earth this goes on every single time I actually have the possibility of a few minutes to myself. It drives me insane!!!!
In reality, it is just a small thing; no big deal, but damn it I feel like a two year old that may have the thought of misbehaving in my head and my daddy has to keep me in line by calling me fifty times during the day. (and this is no exaggeration unfortunately; he literally calls me so many times during the day when I am off that I will spend the majority of my day sitting on the phone; neither of us saying much of anything; but afraid to hang up because it becomes just more ammunition for why I am such a horrible, uncaring wife to him! I can't win!
I'm off work today as Friday is ALWAYS my day off--for the past 3 years. I work weekends, and YES even I am entitled to a day off. (Although, day off is such a relative term, since this is the only day I have to do laundry, clean house, go to the dump, and do the shopping etc). Yet, every single week I go through this interrogation process of "Are you off tomorrow? What are your plans for the day?" On and on; then he calls me ALL freaking day long so I cannot possibly actually get anything done! If I don't sit on the phone with him (saying absolutely nothing most of the time, unless we have been "arguing" at which time I have to listen to the lecture about why I was so wrong and he was so right), then I don't care about him, I'm being selfish, I'm up to something, oh the list of my faults could fill an encyclopedia at this point anyway.
Now, this week he knows that I have no access to my money until my new debit card comes in. We ALREADY DISCUSSED LAST NIGHT THAT I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO THE SHOPPING, OR INDEED GO ANYWHERE BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE GAS TO DO SO! Yet, I come out of the bathroom at 7:02 AM and my phone is ringing. He is distraught because apparently he has been trying to call me and because I didn't keep my phone on me while I was taking our girls to the bus, I didn't know.
Him: 'What did you go back to sleep?"
Me: "No, I just got back from taking the girls to the bus and went to the bathroom."
Him: "Oh, why didn't you answer when I called you before?"
Me: "Ummmm....because I just got back from taking the girls to the bus and went to the bathroom."
Him: "Oh so why are you ignoring me?"
Me: "Ummmm...I wasn't ignoring you; I didn't have my phone on me and I JUST GOT BACK FROM TAKING THE GIRLS TO THE BUS AND USING THE BATHROOM."
Him: "Oh, so were you going to call me back or something?"
Me: "I would have when I realized that you had called."
Him: "So, why didn't you call me to let me know you were taking the girls to the bus and using the bathroom? And, what are you planning for today? You never tell me anything."
Me: "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were thinking anything would be different this morning from every other morning, and we discussed last night that I won't be able to do anything other than clean today because I cannot access my money."
Him: "Oh, so what are you going to do today?"
Me: I got nothing.......I really just cannot say anything.
So, anyway, this ridiculous circular conversation goes on for about 10 minutes, and now I am getting antsy. I don't feel like sitting on the phone rehashing any of what has just been said over and over and over again; and I don't understand WHY on earth this goes on every single time I actually have the possibility of a few minutes to myself. It drives me insane!!!!
In reality, it is just a small thing; no big deal, but damn it I feel like a two year old that may have the thought of misbehaving in my head and my daddy has to keep me in line by calling me fifty times during the day. (and this is no exaggeration unfortunately; he literally calls me so many times during the day when I am off that I will spend the majority of my day sitting on the phone; neither of us saying much of anything; but afraid to hang up because it becomes just more ammunition for why I am such a horrible, uncaring wife to him! I can't win!
I was like...hey ...how about instead of you going out twice this week...you get your own crap.....done with that asshole....he would even manage to talk his way around that...and somehow I did it....
I do however, see how maybe all that could have changed as soon as I married him. I could see he probably would have gotten worse because we were married. I noticed he did start asking me to take his dry cleaning, I never allowed myself to totally take on all the tasks that I thought he was very well off doing himself.
I even told him that I stopped cooking for a long time because of the hitting. I said if your gonna hit me you can make your own damn food, and he just looked at me.
Like I said before, I spoke up a lot, and I believe if I would have said nothing, maybe these fights wouldn't have happened. But it still didn't give him reason to hit me.
I do have a mouth on me I have to admit, still, doesn't give him the right to overpower me, cuz that's not gonna happen, is what I would tell him all the time, but he won't listen, so he is where he is now because I'm not going to allow a man to treat me like crap I'm sick of it.
Damn I stuck by him through his hospital stay and everyone told him I stayed by his side until he woke up, and I think this is why he stays with me, he wants me to stay with him, he won't go away he won't stay gone as far as leaving me alone. He is physically out of the house but yes we are still talking. We are still trying to work on things, but only from afar. I don't really see anything coming from it.
I know my exfiance has anger issues, and hitting but I don't think he is narcissistic, a psychopath, or a womanizer. He's got a problem keeping his hands off of me. :(
Cant74deal, I remember one time my ex threw the laundry while I was almost done folding it. I can't even remember why anymore, but something got him cranky, I'm pretty sure it was out of left field. I was sooooo not in the mood, so when he gave me that look that typically got me coddling him to ask what the heck the problem is this time, I just picked up the pile and threw it back on the ground and I said, "I can do that, too." His eyes got so big, and he immediately ran upstairs to my father (we were visiting my parents) wailing as loud as can be. My mom came downstairs to ask if everything was alright, I said, "Just let him cry it out." She then mentioned to me it seemed a bit over-the-top how he was acting. My ex totally ignored me until morning. Is it bad that I actually find this story hilarious now?