Funny I feel like a beaten down rag doll. But glad that I don't sound that way :)

There are times I feel strong but times I just wanna throw in the towel.

Woke up wishing yesterday was just a nightmare n didn't really happen.

The POS was up early, went to the gym, and is walking around w a spring in his step like nothing happened?!?! He's demented. Cold, unfeeling and just plain demented. I know he's trying to break me. I KNOW I hafta just pry open my red swollen eyes n put a fake smile on my face too. It's just so damn hard for us normal human beings to do this.

Cinaflower- yes. POS is piece of shit. However ALL of your guesses work just as well ;)

I feel the same way. My current bf is always telling me how amazing he thinks I am and I feel like this gigantic mess. I listen to him and I think "You don't know what it's like to experience what's in my head and heart all the time." How much of struggle it is everyday to fight the anxiety, and all the self-defeating talk, and examine all of my reactions to ensure they're healthy and I'm not engaging in that post-abuse crap like avoidance, catastrophizing, and emotionally shutting down, and self doubt, and all that stuff I know I'm prone to do. It's exhausting sometimes. And other times I feel like I'm strong and I have this life I never thought I would have that I am so grateful for.

You are going to get through this. You are going to have a better life. He is always going to be a POS.