I met my abusive ex in person, at work. He met his new wife (poor thing) online and convinced her to move cross country to marry him after six months.
I met my current boyfriend online. I have not seen a single red flag from him yet.

Online or in person, beware of anyone who pushes you to move too fast. Abusers are looking for a victim. If you don't fill that role quickly, they'll move on.
Just my opinion - curious to see what others say.

i think it is easier to spot abusive behavior in person face to face as opposed to online. Online you can't read facial expressions or body language or hear tone of voice, all things that can indicate lies and abuse. i wouldn't recommend doling out personal information online to a potential irl date because you really don't know who you are talking to. They could be anyone masquerading as anyone. While the same can be true irl, that people put their best foot forward and are on their best behavior, it is much easier to read between their lines and judge more accurately IF they are being honest or just blowing your skirt up or just blowing smoke LOL.
Even if church isn't the answer for you, be careful and leary of how much you are willing to divulge online and remember most online dating sites profit from fantasy.

I guess the reason I have to wonder so much about the online vs meeting in other venues is that if you watch T.V. is would seem so many form relationships online, especially if you watch the Match, E Harmony or Christian Mingle ads and there is also one I think it is geared towards a middle aged to older crowd, called MyTime ?
For people who find it harder to make the first move (like me) live in a rural area, don't frequent bars or nightclubs, are a not a parent where you attend school functions to possibly meet other single parents..well just wondering if online dating has worked for anyone?
I know for me, it has been a disaster. My last 3 boyfriends who were all abusive in different ways I met online, one through SinglesNet, one through Facebook and a friend said he was a good guy (she knew him from years back and conveniently forgot alot of red flags, needless to say she is no longer a friend) and the last through Zoosk and he was also on another site. He got me got good by removing his ads and swearing we were exclusive and he was "ate up" with me and didn't need the ads anymore.
This also happened to be the same man who told me that everyone he met online lied to him about something. That was the biggest projection ever as he was the liar. :(

I have met one in a bar who was the man who physically abused me so I guess it's hard to tell.

I am thinking I just have a bad radar.

I do agree that I do tend to give to much information as I am generally trusting once I do trust and I expect from others what I give, honesty, empathy and respect.
That is my downfall.
This is why I have not been dating for 7 months and trying to work on me and my messed up head. I am honestly terrified to trust anyone.

I do agree that I do tend to give to much information as I am generally trusting once I do trust and I expect from others what I give, honesty, empathy and respect.
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I was always the same way. I'm learning.

You can't expect honesty, empathy and respect.

You can, however, *demand* it. If you don't get it, piss on them and walk away.

*hugs*

I met my first at a friend's birthday party. Met my second at a bar. My third (and final, I swear) on line.

What bothers me most about your post, though, Joanies is that you are trying to find out why you are at fault, when you are NOT at fault. You have a right to be precisely who you are and who you want to be. All you need to do is keep your eyes open. I am also a little "too" open and trusting with people. The difference now is that the first time someone disrespects me or uses something I've said against me, I walk away. They don't disrespect me or use information against me because of anything wrong with ME, they do it because there's something wrong with THEM.

Your introvertedness is not to blame, your sharing of information is not to blame, your using dating sites is not to blame. YOU are not to blame.

Livndadrem, You said the first time someone disrespects you or uses something you said against you, you walk away. May I ask, how does one get to that point? I mean develop the confidance. I sometimes think I have that as I have been able to leave these relationships sooner each time and stay away from all but the very last one, even going to the extreme resort of changing my cell number twice.
I seem to be hung up on the last relationship and I am not sure why?
I stay away physically. I mean I was stupid enough to break contact again and I regret that now as he has my head messed up, but it has been only via phone and text. He invited me up, wanted me to take care of him, he was sick and I refused. I had to work and put my job first. The way I saw it, he never put me as a priority while in the relationship so why should I put him as a priority while NOT in a relationship and really not even in a friendship as there is no give with him?
Yet I have not really "walked away" as I still take his call eventually ..ARGH! Also, I still let him in my head, wondering if he is with the ex girlfriend again and if she is nursemaiding him and why he never has to be alone or account for the way he treats others, only to do what he wants, when he wants? When will it be his turn to be a servant?
Sorry, I just hurt today..trying to take back what is left of my dignity.

How I got to the point of being confident to walk away from anyone who disrespects me was with a lot of therapy, a lot of self-reflection, and quite a bit of practice.

As for your ex ... it may never be his turn to be the servant, but the truth is that he IS alone and always will be, because not only can an abuser not give love, they can't accept love either. That's why they demand so many acts and proofs of love. Because they can't see or feel it.