Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So, back in August of 2012 my wages started being garnished due to a judgment that a previous landlord or OURS won by default. This is not the first time this has happened since we've been together, but somehow I always end up holding the bag literally since everything is ALWAYS in my name only. This time, they won nearly $12000 due to some bogus claims about replacing a damn driveway and some other crap. HE got the paperwork and told me not to worry about it because he had taken care of it, so I didn't go to court and needless to say the judge found in their favor. Anyway, that's not my issue at this moment (that judgment was paid finally on October 20, 2013--THANK GOD!!)
With the nearly $1000 coming out of my already tight paychecks, my car payment, the rent, the groceries, and all of mine and the children's needs (not to mention his needs such as food, soap, toothpaste, deodorant, sodas, etc.) I was drowning. After a particularly vicious fight about my irresponsibility with money since I had to "borrow" $40 from him to get milk, bread, and put gas in my car to get to work, I let him have it about how unfair it was that he made 3 times the amount I did, yet I was paying his damn car insurance as well as mine, plus everything he and the kids needed. (Again, all of his cars as well are in my name--tags and insurance). He seemed to really consider this for the first time and offered to take over the insurance payments. This was in October of last year.
I sent in the renewal form for the tags for my car (well I paid it online) on the 20th. I just checked my mail and there is a letter from the MVA telling me that I owe thousands of dollars due to the fact that I was uninsured since November 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot renew my tags until that is paid; I'm sure there is more of a fine than that (that is only the one vehicle and he is supposedly paying the insurance for six vehicles total!) When I confronted him, the asshole actually just told me that he could not be held responsible for MY irresponsibility with my damn bills!!!! WTF?! UGGHHH..... What makes it even worse is that I KNEW better than to trust him with this issue. Years ago, I ended up having to pay the MVA $5860 for tags on a vehicle of mine that he took and he SWORE every which way to Sunday that they had been returned. Of course, he would not pay for those either because it was MY responsibility, not his!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
With the nearly $1000 coming out of my already tight paychecks, my car payment, the rent, the groceries, and all of mine and the children's needs (not to mention his needs such as food, soap, toothpaste, deodorant, sodas, etc.) I was drowning. After a particularly vicious fight about my irresponsibility with money since I had to "borrow" $40 from him to get milk, bread, and put gas in my car to get to work, I let him have it about how unfair it was that he made 3 times the amount I did, yet I was paying his damn car insurance as well as mine, plus everything he and the kids needed. (Again, all of his cars as well are in my name--tags and insurance). He seemed to really consider this for the first time and offered to take over the insurance payments. This was in October of last year.
I sent in the renewal form for the tags for my car (well I paid it online) on the 20th. I just checked my mail and there is a letter from the MVA telling me that I owe thousands of dollars due to the fact that I was uninsured since November 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot renew my tags until that is paid; I'm sure there is more of a fine than that (that is only the one vehicle and he is supposedly paying the insurance for six vehicles total!) When I confronted him, the asshole actually just told me that he could not be held responsible for MY irresponsibility with my damn bills!!!! WTF?! UGGHHH..... What makes it even worse is that I KNEW better than to trust him with this issue. Years ago, I ended up having to pay the MVA $5860 for tags on a vehicle of mine that he took and he SWORE every which way to Sunday that they had been returned. Of course, he would not pay for those either because it was MY responsibility, not his!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
The trouble is that you should be able to trust him with this stuff. You signed up for a partner, not a selfish baby.
Wanting someone not to behave abusively towards you is normal. It's the abuse that's not!
But until you can get free of him, never take his word. Even if you have to set up back-up plans behind the scenes for when it all goes to hell because of him, do it. You think you have an agreement: narcissists don't. They will frequently do the exact OPPOSITE of what they agreed to. The good news is, they are usually pretty consistent at it. So you can plan to avoid them stinging you. They think they are hacking you off, that's why they do it.
Sorry :( xxx
When I left, I called all the companies that had things set up in my name (electricity, health insurance, etc) and cancelled the accounts or had his name removed from them. He was pretty angry when he found out about it, but it was the only way I could ensure that I wasn't tangled up with him any more. The only thing I didn't change was the tags. My car was in his name and his was in my name. He gave me soooo much trouble about swapping them (rude, negative and completely unhelpful) but I couldn't do it without his signature. It got to the point where if he hadn't done the swap, I was going to cancel his registration (tags) but luckily he finally did it.
You would be amazed at how much more affordable and less stressful life is without a great big money drain (him) in your life.
It's financial abuse. He knows what he's doing and you are quite right - he's trying to keep you in debt for all the reasons you stated. Like Life, I had to take him off my credit card, off my bank account, off my everything, just in order to survive financially. He still managed to steal more money from me in various ways, but finally I got him out, and while I now earn way less than I used to, I can survive way better on it.
I also wonder why you don't sell a couple of the cars. He wants you to be responsible with money? Well, it's irresponsible for you to own 6 cars when you can only drive one at a time and clearly can't afford to pay for them all. So, sell 5 of them. If he wants a car, he can buy one. If he wants 5 cars, he can buy 5 cars. If he wants THOSE 5 cars, he can buy them from you at market rates. That's just being responsible with money.
I'd call DMV and find out exactly what is in your name and what is owed on them.
And refuse to sign any papers on anything new. If he's forging your signature, report that to the DMV.
I know how hard this is - truly I do. I was terrified when I took these sorts of steps. My ex was a violent probable sociopath. But you need to do this for you. And then you also need to get the hell outta there - so he can no longer keep you tied to him with his bs debts.